New Year

I don’t know about you, but I can feel an insurmountable build up of stagnant, dead energy that is furiously trying to force its way on humanity. It feels like a great tsunami is about to burst forth. Can you feel it?

Am I alone?

 I feel like the old energy is finding its way to my shores. And by the way we are heading for Bali in 3 days time and the family have been forewarned that should they notice the shoreline receding, they are to head instantaneously for higher ground.

I am soooo ready to climb to higher ground.

I feel the only way to avoid inevitable toxic submergence is to raise ourselves up and start to listen.

 We need to follow our intuition.  Now is a time of huge change. We need to listen to the signs. We need to keep our ears to the ground like the wild animals and be receptive to the smallest of changes.

Surprisingly, as we usher in the end of yet another linear year, I honestly can’t say that I feel the closure of one event and the beginning of another. I feel rather, the building of a massive explosive event that is going to separate the open minded and the closed minded, those willing to embrace new ways of doing things and those restricted by the old rote order.

Bev and I went to see the movie, “New Years Eve” on Saturday and as a real sceptic when it comes to traditions, I was  keen to see what buttons the movie pushed for me.

I’ll venture this. The message that stayed with me was that all of us need to be able to draw a line on our pasts. And that line conveniently ends on 31 December every year. We need to  create a better present for ourselves, so we set new intentions, expectations, make new promises and allow ourselves to temporarily believe that tomorrow will be different, a brand new year, perfect and infinitely better than last.

Just because of an invisible line!

We all are guilty of judging ourselves and wishing we’d done better, or living more in our truth, taking more risks and being less serious or stressed.

But each tomorrow is just a continuation of our thought patterns and beliefs we hold today. Our futures are held in the present. Each day heralds a brand new beginning if that is our intention. We don’t need to wait for next year, next month, tomorrow, to turn over a new leaf. Actually, we can do that right here, right now. This moment is the beginning of the rest of our lives.

 So I urge you, don’t wait another second. Please don’t wait for the 31^st December when someone is puckering up their lips and uttering a drunken, slurred, “Happy New Year and I hope this year is going to be better than your last.”

Do it right now!

You CAN create the life you want to live and you can do it instantly or not. It’s a choice.

Have a meaningful and introspective festive season  or one of unbridled joy and  frivolity, whichever floats your boat and I look forward to chatting again in 3 weeks time.

Lots of love

Nicolette

Hall Pass

Well now this is a controversial subject!

A few months ago I was exploring my fear of my sweet addiction which was utterly controlling me and following the suggestion of a friend, I threw all caution and FEAR to the wind and indulged myself in a complete guilt-free splurge of sugar, sweets, ice cream, cakes, bread, you name it.

The result: once I removed my self imposed restrictions and freed myself from the fear and the guilt, sugar no longer had a hold on me. I was free. You can read my two blogs to which I refer; 'I'm an Addict', dated 18 July and 'Thanks Muriel', dated 19 September.

In the same vane, I questioned myself about men and my fear of letting go of myself just in case I might fall into "sin".

So, unbeknownst to my husband of 23 years, I explored the option of releasing myself from the fetters of marriage, without fear or guilt or self judgement and opened myself to the possibility of loving others even to the point of it becoming a physical expression.

I remember discussing this new found freedom with one of my friends, who was fascinated as to quite how this was going to play out.

I told her I was not quite sure, but that I certainly felt lighter as I wasn't walking around,weighed down by my shackles of fear. It fascinates me how we self impose restrictions of one love and consume ourselves with fear of adultery or cheating. Why do we do this? Is it because of our old conditioning, our upbringing? I believe that we have more than enough love to give and by giving to another doesn't take anything away from the love we share with our life partner, as long as our intention is to never hurt anyone, as long as our intentions are pure and loving and honouring. How can loving anyone under any circumstances be a sin?

Well, my eyes were opened and with this new found clarity I started to really look at men and notice them for real. I could for the first time really meet their gaze and stare right into their souls. I started to notice that each man I met didn't have the qualities that I so love and appreciate in my husband. I soon realised that the man I am married to is the same person that I still choose to be with and that he has spoilt me for other men, should I ever be on my own.

I am grateful, through releasing my fears, to have found the space to recognise how the man with whom I still live after 25 years, is still the one for me.

How many people get to that amazing discovery, without first losing their love. I used to think hindsight was the best sight, but who needs that when we have all the answers we seek right at our fingertips.

I am so grateful that I gave myself a 'Hall Pass', so that I could cease believing that I was prohibited from engaging with another man for fear of falling into temptation. I realise that my marriage is not an institution but a choice that I still voluntarily make. I am free, free to be me, free of guilt, free of shackles, free of fear. Yay!

The minute I gave myself carte blanche, I no longer felt denied anything, I was filled with a huge overwhelming peace and contentment, an inner knowing that it is unlikely that I would choose to have another partner sexually speaking as long as my husband and I choose to be with each other.

Fear really is the reason we mess up so frequently. Fear creates blockages that wouldn't exist should we choose to live fearlessly. Fear of not being in control. Fear of ones addictions. Fear of being controlled.

And don't forget trust. The highest honour we can bestow upon another being is to trust them. And we need to trust ourselves too. We can only trust in the absence of fear.

So let go of worry and fear and give yourself the gift of trust.

Trust me. It works

Remind yourself how trustworthy you are, how you adore you, how you love yourself. Surround yourself with love.

Have an awesome fearless week

love

Nicolette

Parent or Friend?

I was wondering, " When do our duties as a parent end?" Do we have to parent our children til death us do part or is there a time when we are relinquished from our contract?

I know that I love our children very much and that they do not belong to my husband or myself. I feel that they chose us rather than they were given to us. I also feel that they were sent to us to help us learn as much from them as they will learn from us. So in this discovery, I don't feel I am in charge of them as much as I am the teacher and the student. It feels more to me like a reciprocal relationship.

I do feel that as parents, we have a duty to protect them whilst they are in their small, vulnerable, sensitive bodies, but as they develop to their adult size and maturity, I feel that we need to back off with the constant advice and "Do as I say" attitude and allow them to fight their own battles and make their own choices without judgement.

What age would be reasonable to start letting go of the apron strings probably depends on the individual child, but probably around the time they start becoming confident that they know everything, which we know they don't, but certainly gives us the opportunity to allow them to try and learn from their own experiences.

Will our kids become carbon copies of ourselves? Certainly not. They are their own individual beings. I believe they may model themselves on some of our behaviour they like, choose most definitely not to imitate the behaviour they detest and somehow manage to mimic other behaviours inadvertently without it being cognitive.

I honestly thought that if I brought my kids up with only healthy food options and set a good example by not smoking or drinking excessively, that they would follow my example. How wrong my first expectations turned out to be.

Actually, have we noticed how the minute we set expectations, we set ourselves up for disappointment.

I am not them and they are not me. I'm referring to my sons here.

Being a parent is:
learning to respect our children
giving them space to be who they are
loving them unconditionally whether they're average or below academically, physically challenged, of different spiritual beliefs or different sexual preferences
supporting them through their trials and their triumphs, but not owning them
learning from the times that challenge us because we are staring into the mirror that reflects us in them
knowing when to say sorry
knowing when to back off
not having to be right or perfect
never forcing them to obey us
never inflicting guilt
never measuring how much time, energy or love we have invested
giving without needing anything in return

If I have any regrets in the parenting of my two sons, it would be that I had not mastered unconditional love before I brought them into this world.

I console myself with the fact that not one of us is perfect and therefore we all have lessons to learn from the battles we do with our children, our life partners and ourselves.

So, I guess I am off the hook as far as being the stalwart, pillar of strength and perfect parent, the one who leads by example and has all the answers, which I don't. Our children grow up in spite of their upbringing, in spite of us parents.

I do believe that having reached the age of 19, our relationship to our oldest son has shifted from parent to friend. We should now encourage him to make his own choices. We should be available to make suggestions should he seek our advice and willingly share with him in his experiences whether exciting or hair raising. I would want for our sons to be able to speak to us about anything and not feel afraid of judgement or persecution. We should have an open door policy, one of trust, understanding and caring. And kids will only share with someone who is their friend, not an authoritarian who doesn't spare the rod.

Ever more I am aware that I need to love more and threaten, punish and chastise less.
I need to answer defiance, anger and impatience with acceptance, love and patience because anger feeds anger, impatience feeds more impatience and intolerance feeds yet more intolerance.

I question our old conditioning that says that parents cannot be their children's friends and that we have a responsibility to be the parents even if we are not liked. Why would any of us choose to trust or confide in someone who is not our friend?

I am there for Calvin if he needs me. I would put him first before a friend in need. I am his friend and would hope he trusts me. I look out for him and wish the best for him, grieve for him when he suffers and celebrate with him in his victories. I don't own him, nor do I wish to impose my beliefs on him. I respect and admire him and he is my teacher too.

I enjoy this new stage of his spreading his wings and preparing to fly into adulthood and I welcome the changes that are on his horizon.

So I undo my old conditioning and free myself from the dusty old web of entanglement. My wish is to be a friend and confidante to both my sons, because who doesn't turn to a friend in need? Who doesn't trust a friend with their best kept secrets?

In respect and humility for my new found wisdom

I wish you an awesome week

love
Nicolette

Water Messages

I have been getting so many messages from water this year. It is uncanny. I have to sit up and take serious notice.

Firstly, there were the leaks and floods and all manner of seemingly emotional issues which I was trying to add a band aid to, which we all know does nothing to abate the power of the resultant pressure build up.

Then having released my fears and my tears, keeping fingers crossed, I have not had another burst pipe or geyser or blocked drain pipe.

However, my lessons with water are not complete. I am now sitting with a state of the art salt chlorinator which continually keeps lowering my pool's pH level to acidic. The machine which is still under warranty has had every part replaced over the course of the past few weeks and is now baffling the suppliers, who assure me that this has never happened before.

And no surprise when I had my blood analysed a week ago, my uric acid levels were unexpainably sky high. So I have looked in the proverbial mirror once again and gone within to find the deeper message that I know lies there.

I was so fortunate to attend Michael Tellinger's Science Conference this last weekend at Wits University and hear Claire Janisch's talk on Biomimicry. It was here that I gathered knowledge about an experiment conducted by Dr William Tiller in which he had a group of students focus their energy on a black box filled with water. In this experiment the purpose was to raise the pH by 1.

The astonishing findings of this experiment were firstly that they were easily able to achieve this, but secondly and even more remarkably, that after about 3 to 6 months of repeating this exercise, they discovered that the space was able to hold the energy and that any subsequent water that was poured into the black box automatically raised its pH level by 1.

This new knowledge, added to my recent experimentation with toning and singing different frequencies to balance my chakras, had me take the bulls by the horn just now and put the experiment to the test.

First, I went to the salt chlorinator control panel and checked the pH of my pool, which read 6.6. It was my intention to use toning to balance my chakras and at the same time raise the pH of my pool by 0.1. The chlorinator control panel was to be my indicator. So I sat cross-legged under my meditation leopard tree and sang each sound 7 times for each chakra focusing on raising the pool's and my pH levels to 6.7.

When I went to recheck the control panel, I was startled by the reading. The pH had changed to 6.8.

So I choose to believe that I was able to raise my pH levels in my blood at the same time.

Now here's another piece of startling information I recently received. Chris Bowden, Lilly and myself were doing a full moon meditation on the evening of 10/11/11 and afterwards Lilly and I noticed that our water tasted incredibly sweet. Wondering if it had been as a result of an energy change effected by our meditation, we gulped down our water and went to refill our glasses from the 5l plastic bottle of spring water from which our first glasses had been filled. And alas the water tasted completely different.

So my message has been received with awe and gratitude. I now know that all I need to do is focus energy on my biochemistry and my tap water and my pool water and it is free. I do not need to go and buy a fancy water purifier, but rather spend time each day meditating and bringing balance and harmony to my little piece of heaven.

Yay! for life's wonderful lessons

May you walk, eat, drink, pray and love with intention
That's all it takes!

sending you love
Nicolette

LOVE

Look around you at your surroundings. Notice the room you're sitting in or the office or house. Take a look outside and notice the plant life and all of nature. Now realise that everything you see is a reflection of yourself, a reflection of your inner status. What we are on the inside is what we manifest in the world around us.

Love!

How do you love?
Do you love someone because you have a need that they fill?
Do you love someone because they follow the same belief system as you?
Can you love someone who is entirely different to you?
Do you love in order to access power, security, lack of loneliness, peace, greater self-esteem?
None of these are love. These are all states of co-dependence

LOVE!

How do you love yourself?
Do you love yourself? Oh heaven forbid!
Do you set yourself objectives that if and when you meet those criteria then you'll love yourself?
Do you love yourself the same when you're sick or healthy?
Do you love your inner child, the one that comes without an earth suit, a vehicle, a house, a family?

LOVE just is. It is a choice, not a romantic notion or physical attraction. Love is setting our intention to accept and love ourselves just the way we are without needing to change a thing. And likewise to love and accept others, respecting their beliefs and life choices, no matter who they are or what they do.

If all is not well in our outer worlds, we need to go within and fix the status quo. We need to challenge our insecurities and face our demons and the way to do that is to love ourselves unconditionally because when we focus on all our weaknesses we project those onto everyone and everything around us. If we feel like a victim, we will continually attract bullies to ourselves. If we are angry and disrespectful of ourselves, we will be angry and aggressive with the world and the world will appear to be a very dangerous and brutal place to live. If everyone around us pisses us of, let's look within and ask ourselves why we are so intolerant of ourselves. Our lives are a reflection of what we are.

The surest way to change the life we have, is to change ourselves.
LOVE!
Choose LOVE.

Nelson Mandela sat in prison for 27 years and what did he learn? He mastered his self-love and his love for humanity. What is his incredible legacy that he will leave us with? Love and forgiveness. We need to forgive ourselves first and then we can forgive others easily. We need to live in the now, because when we do we can't focus on past emotional issues, resentment, hatred, intolerance and anger. When we live in a perpetual state of obsessing about the future, we are in a state of fear and anxiety. We can only love when we are fully present in the here and now.

We only make more war, by fighting war with war. We manifest more anger by responding to anger with more angry words. But when we choose to be Love and Peace we create more Love and Peace in and around ourselves. It is just a choice.

We are such incredible, powerful aspects of multidimensional consciousness, how can we not be loving beacons of light to all on our planet?

Our thoughts can be like weapons, they can slay the enemy; or they can be like healing, energising swathes of brilliant light infusing our planet with empathy and compassion. We can create an amazing environment for ourselves by choosing  LOVE.

As parents of the next generation, the best gift we can give earth is to stop seeing division of race, nationality, religion, sexual preference or income bracket and love unconditionally because then our children will inherit that balanced view of life. Then our children will not be prejudiced. They will be true rainbow children.

Let's love ourselves.
Let's love one another.
Let's love all animals and plants.
Let's love our planet.

And let's watch in awe as we witness the divine change we manifest.

Have an awesome week

love
Nicolette

Sweet Surrender

I would ask why, when we know that the natural flow of events is going to follow its course, no matter how much fuss and resistance we put up, we still allow ourselves to worry and stress?

When we're journeying on a bus and we're late for a pressing engagement, what use is it to ourselves to run up and down the bus in haste? Our rushing and worrying won't get us to our destination any sooner than if we were to sit quietly, making full use of the precious time to connect with those around us and be fully present.

Why do we always allow ourselves to fall victim to our old patterns of behaviour? Maybe we are stuck in a self-made rut and resistant to change.

Two things that stick out for me are these:

What swings to the right, will counter swing to the left and then a little less far to the right again and then to the left, until equilibrium is achieved. Politics is a lot like this. If we observe the restrictions caused by various parties that have ruled and then watched the walls come crumbling down and the resultant counter swing to the extreme. To expect anything to the contrary would be unrealistic.

Change is inevitable and the sooner we surrender to this, the sooner we can get on with the stuff of living. Everything and everyone of us is continually aging, maturing, evolving and redefining itself. No amount of reconstructive surgery or rejuvenating pills can prevent us from getting physically older. Everything in nature is under continual refinement. Watch the erosion of soil and the melting of the glaciers. No two days are ever the same. Each day the clouds arrange themselves in different formations. Every year the trees put on another notch to their girth, the texture of their bark becomes tougher and more brittle. Even our belief system is continuously under re evaluation.

What would be the point of trying to reverse or stop the clock? What we do need to do is really savour each moment and languish in the knowing that we are exactly where we are meant to be. There is no time in the distant past or in the future which is better than right now.

Wars will come and wars will go. Political buffoons will rise to power and then be eliminated. Children will grow up in spite of their upbringing, World will change and reinvent itself, despite the destruction  and resistance caused by humans. We will survive the changing world we find ourselves in despite any attempt to keep it just like the 'good old days'.

Why is it that every generation believes that their upbringing was the way the future generation should be brought up and are resistant to all the ways of the youth. Isn't it our wake up call to move out of our self inflicted ruts? Who are the teachers anyway? Perhaps our children are our greatest teachers forcing us to keep on evolving with them or wither up and get left behind.

Why would we ever think that the unevolved person we were in our twenties is preferable to the person we are right now? Can't we see benefit in the weathered and shaped person we are now as opposed to the tender sapling we once were? O.k. our suppleness physically and mentally, at the sapling age, is to be revered and we should always strive to maintain that flexibility in our thinking, but come on...

Why do we fear death? We will die for sure. Why do we fear not emptying our inbox? Our inbox will continuously be refilled and will most certainly have undealt with matters in it when we die. It will make no difference to the continuation of the world. Why do we fear and worry about all our intended outcomes when clearly life is the journey and NOT the destination. We obsess about what and how we will survive, what our children will amount to, whether we have enough money, whether we'll leave a legacy, whether we're good enough and so the list goes on and on.

What is the point of worrying, except to tarnish our present experience?  In this constant state of fear we are not present. We do not savour the joy that is every precious moment, never to be repeated again. We cannot PVR our entire lives and have them back when we realise with hindsight that there was after all nothing to worry about and fear. We survived in spite of all the sleepless nights, all the negativity and panic attacks.

So why don't we utilise these magnificent minds of ours and make the choice to surrender to what is and the excitement of not trying to second guess our future, but rather let it unfold in its mysterious way, trusting that where we are and where we end up is exactly the right place.

Wake up tomorrow morning with the innocence of a child and say, "Wow! What an awesome day!" and see where it takes you.

Surrender and savour the sweetness of being!

in love

Nicolette

And the Gift Goes On...

What is a gift? It is something given from one person to another. What is that something? Is it material? Is it concrete or is it something abstract? Well, I guess it could be both a physical object, a thought, a prayer, a helping hand, a massage, a compliment, a piece of constructive criticism, imparted knowledge, something which was made by the giver or it could be time spent together.
Does a gift have to be a conscious act? I don't believe that it does. How often have we blessed or been blessed by someone without actual intent and only discovered this later on?

If we just mull over our scrap book of life and revisit some of life's most treasured gifts, don't we discover some of the most unlikely and yet amazing treasures?

We all know about the Christmas and Birthday presents we receive. They are the most outer layer of gifting, the obvious and the ones that most often receive thanks and recognition.

What about the labours of love, where someone has given of their time and energy and fixed something or made us something for no payment: the cup of tea brought to your bedside, your car that was washed for you without asking, your broken chair that your life partner fixed or the hem that your Mom put up for you. These too may well have received thanks and recognition.

Compliments? Well some of these are received with thanks, some with denial, rejection or disbelief. Isn't it amazing how seldom we feel comfortable accepting praise and compliments from another. Perhaps we need to ask ourselves why? Do we feel it is vain and therefore not noble to be credited with praise for anything from good looks to talent to hard work?

Touch is another area of controversy. We want it, but we resist it. "Stop it, I love it". Are we not so entangled in a web of conditioned guilt. We know it feels good, but is it right? Is there another ulterior motive? I want it, but I shouldn't crave or yield to it. We all know that babies that are abandoned and never touched, struggle to thrive and grow. Aren't we adults just as needing and deserving as a small child? Why is it so easy to hug and cuddle a child, relatively easy to have a short hug from a girlfriend, but not too long, not to the point of the hug effecting healing and heaven forbid two men embracing each other, why?

I was at a royal wedding reception not so long ago and spotted one of the royals I have read so much about. In one of my completely conscious or unconscious moments, you decide which, I enthusiastically glided over to her to introduce myself and give her one of my bear hugs, to which she withdrew in horror, offering me her hand instead, insisting that she didn't do hugs.

Wow! In hind sight, I feel deeply sad for this lady and the consequences of her choices, but as with all gifts, not all of them will be willingly received and as the giver, we mustn't be hurt if the receiver is unwilling or closed to receiving. It also mustn't stop us from continually finding more and more opportunities to give.

Then there's the gift of time spent together. Oh how wonderful it is to bask in each other's presence enjoying the presents of presence. How often do we take these precious moments for granted, spending them without presence. We don't really value and appreciate them. Little do we realise that these are the gifts that will endure the test of time, These are the gifts that will be bubble wrapped with us for eternity. We can't take the material gifts with us when we die, but the emotional scrap books of memories of special moments of being are the treasures I know I will always keep close in my heart. These are the gifts that cannot be erased or taken away. They do not fade or age like material gifts. They are gifts for eternity. These gifts are often received without recognition or thanks, but they are remembered forever.

Then what of the gift of intention or thoughtful prayer. It is the looking out for one another, caring when no one knows and no one has asked. This is the ultimate selfless gift! This gift is given without the recipient even being aware of the transaction; and so this gift never receives thanks or recognition. This powerful gift can effect healing for the recipient, love, help in resolving life issues, etc.

But the greatest of all gifts for me are the ones where neither the giver or the receiver are aware of the transaction and I'll give you an example.

A friend reads up about an amazing course and mentions it to her friend who enrols and is blessed by her new found wisdom, who in turn shares it with her clients and her family all of whom are blessed and receive insights and who in turn share their new truths with those in their circle.
And so the gift goes on and on and on...

I love this about life
It is this continuum that enthralls and inspires me and motivates me to keep on sharing and learning and sharing and learning.
The more we share our knowledge, the more comes gushing in.

You are the greatest gift of all

God bless you all and may your gifts keep flowing

love
Nicolette

The Secret Is...

"The land wasn't meant to be bought or sold
 It was meant to be loved and sung to
 It was meant to be appreciated for its wonderfulness
 Admired...
 Shared...

The world has never been in worse shape; global warning, animal extinctions, people fucked up and crazy, war...

And then there are us, harmless little humans, who seem to nibble at the root of things..."
                                                                          
                                                                             Alice Walker  'Now is the Time to Open your Heart"

It sounds about right. We nibble and nibble like termites at the roots of a large tree and then one day when the tree dies, the secret murderers are no where to be found. It couldn't be little us. We're too small to harm Earth.

What difference does it make if we smoke that cigarette. It's only one small cigarette in such a huge universe. What difference does it make if we chop down that tree, there are millions more. What difference does it make if we poison our weeds and termites with pesticides, the poisons will be diluted in the drain water and what difference does it make if we kill a few harmless insects or rodents when we flush this toxic water, there are many more where they came from. What difference does it make if we keep on building shopping malls, forcing the wildlife to retreat to smaller and smaller locations, forcing them to inter breed and over graze. What difference does it make if we catch all those fish along with a whole host of other sea life in our huge fishing nets, there are many other seas to catch fish in. What difference does it make if our cars give off toxic emissions into the atmosphere, causing acid rain. The world's big enough for the rain to fall on someone else's head.What difference does it make if we eat badly, we're going to die anyway


Now is the time to open your heart...
Open your eyes!
Open your ears!
Open your nostrils!
Open your pores!

The secret is that you do not need to be told.

wishing you an experiential week of being conscious

love
Nicolette

P.S. try walking softly and consciously, noticing where you put each foot down. Notice the mushrooms and insects, snails and butterflies and try to avoid trampling on anything in haste.
You might even avoid stepping in the dog pooh!
xxx

I Release my Fears

I have been protecting myself for way too long, afraid to feel suffering, afraid to show emotion, afraid to drop my mask.

I have been living in an emotion-free, padded cell, of my own making.

I have been sooo happy, in fact too happy, that at times I felt uncomfortable in my skin, as though, if I were to feel just one more iota of happiness, I would literally burst and spill my guts.

I was becoming increasingly aware of this need to cry to release the huge pressure I felt from all my pent up happiness.

Now this might sound really bizarre to you, but I have been begging dance teachers to do a class or a workshop to induce me to tears through dance. I was wishing to dance until I sobbed. But no one would step up to the plate to take the challenge. Admittedly, it is a bit of a weird request, as most normal people want to be transported into great realms of abounding happiness, releasing endorphins and feel good hormones. Perhaps the perception is that no one else would pitch for a class like that. Perhaps it is fear of embarking on a journey of unleashing skeletons, undealt with issues and baggage.

It's really funny how I have been receiving physical signs all year, which have been pointing me to my truth. Those of you who have been reading my weekly inspirational letters, know how many struggles I've had with flooding, water leaks, plumbing leaks, burst geysers, roof leaks, neighbours trying to block my outlet pipes, punctured and ruptured irrigation pipes, you name it. Even the jacuzzi we had built, new, leaked like a sieve when we filled it for the first time.

There were just too many similar occurrences for it to be coincidence.

Everything has been pointing towards emotional build up, build up to the point of bursting.

So, how did I get to the point that helped me to release my fears? What was the push that I was so craving?

I was most fortunate to attend Richard Higgins' Shamanic Constellations workshop last week and the theme was 'Seeing and Being seen'. It was here that I was able to recognise and see my own self made pattern of protection. I  became aware that I had not been fully present thus far. I was always busy formulating my next response, instead of listening and hearing what someone was saying.

I was seeing and listening with my peripheral eyes and ears like the man in the Cremora advert.      
How often have we gone to the fridge to look for something and even when it is staring us right in the face, we don't and can't see it. "It's not inside, it's on top!"


Over the three days of the workshop, I was reminded to listen to the spaces between and the silences behind the words, to become cognitive of the silent signals like body language. I hadn't learned the freedom of being fully aware and fully present. I needed to see like the Na'vi tribe in the movie 'Avatar, with the eyes of my heart and not my peripheral eyes. I needed to literally drop my mask. And so in the safety of the wonderful light workers present, I was able to consciously release my fears and cry. I had my first cry from the heart on Wednesday and I have continued to access my tears daily and  it really feels great. I feel that I have awoken from a half century sleep. It's quite funny that Sleeping Beauty was my favourite childhood Fairy Story.

So as I dry my tears, having released my fears, I find that I am now free to be me.

I feel!
I hear!
and I see!

May you too choose to not just look, but SEE and be seen.

I see you

love
Nicolette

My Way or the Highway

How often do we find ourselves sticking self righteously to our truth, believing steadfastly that we are right and the 'Rest' of them are wrong?
Don't we always want for our opinion to be heard, to have the last say? Don't we seek validation for our cause by seeking others who defend us and agree with us?

"...probably there's not just one truth but a number of equivalent interchangeable truths."
'The Voyeur' by Alberto Moravia

Hum! Food for thought!

Don't all roads lead to Rome? Does it matter whether we take the high road, the low road or the road less travelled? We all have freedom of choice as to the twists and turns which we choose to spice up our lives. Does it make an iota of difference to our outcome which life lessons we choose along the way. Won't we be presented with the full array of challenges during our stay on planet earth, but in which order we choose to tackle them is up to us?

Haven't we noticed the chain reaction of cause and effect in our lives? Yes, the turbulence which we cause will be felt by people on other shores, but how do we know that those effects aren't just the lessons that those people are needing right now. I am a big believer in synchronicity.
Life is for living and experiencing. We can't learn about it from a manual. We have to get embroiled in all of its conquests.

So, to get back to the subject of "I'm right and you're wrong!" Let's do a role play

Role play 1

Man comes home from work in bad mood and shouts at his wife: "Why is my house in a mess and my supper not cooked? I work hard and do my bit. This is unacceptable"
Wife replies: "I am sorry. I have let you down. I will make sure it doesn't happen again."

Role play 2

As above man comes home grumpy and craps on his wife
Wife replies: "I can see you had a hard day at the office, but don't take it out on me. I have also worked and put in my effort to keep the family wheels turning. I have made meals, fetched and carried, gardened and shopped, wiped up tears, waited in queues to pay our bills, taken the dog to the vet and helped with homework and all this I did for love and no material remuneration."

Role play 3

Man comes home from work exhausted and slips quietly into the house unobserved, goes and lies on his bed and has some desperately needed alone time, a space to breathe quietly and just allow the spinning wheel of the rat race to slowly subside.
His wife seeing he is worn out, gets on with making the dinner and makes him a cup of hot tea for when he wakes up.

Role play 4

Man comes home via the pub, having downed his sorrows with a few ales and demands his dinner.
His wife, having already eaten with the kids, yells: "It's in the warmer". Feeling unloved and uncared for, he complains about the meal which is now spoiled to which his wife retaliates: "Well, make your own f@*+^ing food then!

So, the question then is: Which is the correct role play? Which of the 4 men and which of the four women are right?

If you chose man no. 1, you chose the Patriarch, the traditional man who is the head of the home. He is the bully. Woman no. 1 is the submissive, subservient wife, who is willing to take the rap for the sake of peace.

Man no. 2 could be a Patriarch or could be a normal guy just venting and letting off steam from his one-eyed perspective.
Woman no. 2 is more empowered and stands up for herself. She knows her self-worth.

Man no. 3 is more spiritually in tune with his needs. He goes within to find his peace and restore his balance.
Wife no. 3 is tuned inwardly too. She respects her man's space and allows him space to be.

Man no. 4 is your proverbial macho archetype. He is just trying to drown out today's pain with alcohol and putting off for tomorrow what he can't confront today. He is your caveman.
Woman no. 4 is your cave woman. She can give back as much as she gets. She is a survivor.

So, haven't we realised that all these role plays are some one's truth and aren't all these truths interchangeable? There are no right or wrong actions or reactions. Doesn't wife no. 1 deserve the husband she's got. She still needs to learn to stand up for herself and until she does, she will continue attracting the same sort of abuse. And that said is man no. 1 wrong for being the Patriarch. No, the system needs the bullies to create the space for growth in those who choose those lessons.

And so if we work through all the role plays, don't we observe that we all have our truth and there are a million more role plays which are each players truth?

We are all players in the game of life. We get to create our lives by living our truth. We are free to interchange our truth when it no longer serves us.

That's what I love about life. Nothing is cast in concrete.

Are you empowered by your truth?
If not, change it.

in love

Nicolette

Hold me/Put me down/leave me Alone

Hold me, put me down, leave me alone... Funny how if we think about it , we all live our lives in this perpetual cycle.

First we started out as an infant, craving and needing the human touch and assurance of our parents. Then we became a toddler, needing to be put down so we could touch, feel and taste our fascinating worlds around us. Then as we gained confidence we rebelled from our fearful parents' over protective hawk eyes and started to explore our space by ourselves. We wanted to express our independence and explore our separateness, our egos. "Mine, mine, mine!" was the order of the day only to be countered by the sudden realisation that we were alone and the subsequent retreat to the security of our parents' comforting embrace.

There are seasons in our lives when we crave and need to be held and protected, to feel safe in the arms of our loved ones, and then there are times when we want to be let free to explore our horizons and grow.

Teenagers are a wonderful example of a mixture of these feelings. They want to break free of the shackles of their parents, and 'leave me alone' becomes their shout as they assert their independence as young adults, trying to find their identities. Yet at the same time, the 'hold me tight' needs to be met by the love and understanding from their peers.

Is it therefore a surprise that we continually move in and out of these three cycles of needing reinforcement and affirming, to wanting our freedom to explore and space for solitude?

According to Desmond Morris, in his book 'Intimate Behaviour', this is perfectly normal behaviour for adults as well and the sooner we accept this, the sooner we'll let go of fear when our partner starts to pull away from us in order to journey along the path of self discovery and spiritual growth.

A growing distance between partners is not a signal for alarm. It is a completely natural occurrence for all of us. We all alternate periods of greater intimacy with periods of greater distance. It is rather like the ebb and flow of the ocean. Just because the ocean recedes away from the shore line, isn't a signal for panic. We know with assurity that the tide will come flowing back in. And in the case of a tsunami when it recedes very far out, just know it is coming back in with great vengeance. It's part of our checks and balances.

A growing distance can be part of a cycle that returns to redefine a relationship in a new way that can surpass the intimacy that existed before.

Change is such an important part of our interactions with others. Often when we think we have lost something from our relationship or fear that we are losing our loved ones, a transformation occurs and yes, perhaps our relationship may shift from one of intense passion to one of seeing the other as a separate individual, with faults and weaknesses, like ourselves, but it is at this amazing pivotal point that we can really commit to the growth of the other which is the ultimate act of true love.

In much the same way as we discovered that our parents weren't perfect, when the tide washed back in we redefined our relationship with them as equals, as friends. And so it is with our life partners, after the honeymoon phase has run its course, we explore our parameters and return to a deeper knowing and understanding of each other. How perfect is that.

I'm sure if we had been taught this wise lesson a long time ago, there'd be far fewer relationship breakups and a lot more trusting and acceptance and a deeper respect for one another.

So whether you find yourself being swept out to sea in the backwash or caught in the swirl of an eddy or swept up in the mightiest wave about to crash onto the shore, just know that you're exactly where you're meant to be and that you will repeat this cycle endlessly until you breathe your last breath.

I just love life and all its precious lessons, don't you?

Have an awesome week

love
Nicolette

I am Me Own

"I am the living, loving, joyous expression of life. I am my own person!"

This is my positive affirmation for the next while and one I borrowed from Louise Hay.

Isn't it fascinating how just when we think we have done enough growing and have conquered a milestone of challenges, emerging victorious, we seem to get hit with another scourge of the same challenge, but perhaps at a deeper level? It's almost as though we are required to peel back a few more layers of the onion and get deeper to weed out the core issue.

How often do we take on other people's stuff? Do we do it knowingly or just because we think it is our duty?  We must feel really inadequate  to voluntarily take on another's anger, hostility, fear, low-self esteem, etc. Don't we have enough of our own challenges to tackle without taking on those of our peers? Or do we feel that we have greater coping skills and therefore rush to help put out the self-inflicted fires induced by our fellow passengers in life?

Perhaps we feel it is our way of earning treasures for ourselves for another plane or improving our karma.

One thing I know for sure is this: we came into this world alone and we are going out alone. No matter how many people wash across our paths in the period between those two events, no one will be able to hold our hands as we cross the barrier between this material world and the other realm to which we belong.

My mother loves to tell the story of when I was only two and a half years old, snuggled in between my parents in bed one morning. My mom asks me:"Nicolette, are you mommy's girl or daddy's girl?" to which I reply:"I love me mommy and I love me daddy, but I me own".

So, I ask myself, why is it, when I had such a clear insight into knowing this truth, at the age of two and a half, that I find myself letting people get in under my skin?

"I am my own person!" I shout just to remind myself yet again.

How often do we find ourselves trying to help people along the way, attempting to solve their problems for them and offering them baskets full of advice? Or worse, we try and act like a scape goat and accept their fears and inadequacies as though they belonged to us, and literally carry their burdens which weigh us down causing us illness and bottled frustration and anger?

We all know the story of the butterfly, trying to free itself from its chrysalis, when a well meaning passerby compassionately helps it to untangle its wings and break free. Unfortunately that butterfly never flew, because the struggle required of the butterfly to break free, was the magic key to building the strength to fly.

Why do we want to tell everyone around us how to navigate the path of least obstacles, with no suffering or lessons.? Isn't it these very lessons that make us strong and wise? Don't each and every one of us deserve to find out for ourselves, create our own paths and fight our own battles?

We always seem to feel that unless we are doing something, making something happen, saving the world, that we are not becoming more spiritual?

But isn't the lesson: "To become spiritual I simply need to become myself"?
I quote John Perkins in 'Shapeshifting': "Just be, don't try and become anything....
happiness is not about production and consumption but simply a matter of feeling our connectedness, experiencing the euphoria of being. It seemed to me that such a realisation allows us to break through a barrier that has oppressed modern, industrial cultures for a long time, opening us up to the possibility of defining ourselves and our relationships outside the centuries-old limitations that have locked us into the shackles of fear, uncertainty, and the need to take control."

There isn't a single ingredient we need to add to ourselves to make us more spiritual. We are spiritual beings. All we need do is reach within to our own Divine Nature and follow the life lessons from the path of our hearts and our spirits will be joyful and free.

So, let's love ourselves
Let's be ourselves
Let's be living, loving, joyous expressions of ourselves
and let's stop trying to fix the world and fix the one we can, ourselves!

until next week

Nicolette

I Wrote a Letter to my Love

How often do we push the pause button of our lives and take the time to really connect with the special people in our lives and I don't mean: say a little prayer or have a thought of gratitude or smile inwardly. What I'm getting at is this.... When do we stop the wheels of life from turning and actually make a special point of telling the person/s in our lives how much they mean to us, how much we appreciate them and how much we'd miss them if they were no longer around.

Well, today I am stopping the clock to write a letter to my dear husband. This is the man who has stood by me for the past 25 years, has been my dedicated companion and lover, the father of our two sons, my helper and my Mr Fix-it guy.

"Dearest Christopher


How lucky am I that my angels brought me all the way from Cape Town to Johannesburg for a friend's wedding where I met you. I have met many a wonderful person along the way on life's journey, but none that stood out for me with all of your amazing qualities. You truly are a special gem that I discovered, one I will treasure and hold onto as long as we have breath. I could have had the choice of many a suitor, but I chose YOU!


You are the man for me!


I remember writing a list of the traits that attracted me to you when we were engaged to be married. The qualities that stood out for me then and topped my list were your kindness, your generosity, loyalty and caring. You are still that kind, generous person that I met 25 years ago. You are a dedicated husband and father, always preferring to come home to us, rather than spending time with your friends.


I have always loved the way you look after your stuff, the way you tidy up and put things in their place. You have taught me the value of keeping my way tidy and uncluttered. It is an invaluable tool for someone who is as A.D.D. as myself.


I love that you can fix almost anything. Who needs a handyman when they have a husband like you. I remember when we travelled to Durban on our first weekend away together and the fan belt broke on your Dad's car. My moment of fear was quickly extinguished when you whipped out a spare fan belt and had us back on the road within minutes.


I love that you have taken an active roll in the parenting of Calvin and Dylan. Whenever they hurt themselves, you were quick to comfort them. You are always the practical, calm parent when there's been blood and trauma. I'm the panicked parent running around getting the bandages and phoning the emergency numbers.


You are an amazing organiser which works for me with my sometimes scattered energy.
You have your feet firmly planted in the Earth which serves as my anchor when I am levitating. I love your lists and your organisational skills which you have taught me.


I love that you can cook an entire meal and still leave the kitchen in a pristine condition unlike myself who has every soiled pot and utensil piled high in the sinks.

You are a wonderful provider for your family, providing us with more than our needs.


You have a 'think things through' approach to life which fascinates me because I experience life by voicing and verbalising and refining my beliefs as I go along. You will think about and mull over what you want to say, where I will just put it out there like an artist slapping paint on a canvas. Once it's out I will then tone it down or change the impression completely if it doesn't work for me. I see you as an expeditionist where I am an artist.


You like to control life from without, by instilling order, discipline and control in the world around you. I on the other hand go within to access my inner calm and order from the quiet space of my spirit.


We are a completely complimentary couple and I love that.


You are a caring, compassionate, devoted and loyal companion. I know that I would miss you dearly if you were to choose another life for yourself. We do not own each other's hearts, but are together because it is our choice and has been for 25 years. I do not wish to take you for granted and that is why I want you to know just how much I love you and appreciate all that you do and all that you are.


I am truly blessed to have a husband like you who loves me for who I am, who has learnt to accept the things he cannot change in me and who allows me space to express myself and have my interests and hobbies that are different to yours.


It is amazing to have your trust as I give you mine, to do things that give us meaning in our lives without feelings of guilt. It has always served us to do what makes us happy individually so that we can be contented and happy when we're together.


Thank you for choosing me and for the last 25 years we have grown together. I cherish the time we still have together and the lessons we still have to learn.


with all my love


Nicolette"


So, if it resonates with you, how about writing someone you love a love letter. I'm amazed how much clarity and wonderful traits I discovered, having taken the time to write them all down.

Until next week

Nicolette

Thanks Muriel

I wish to thank Muriel for pointing me, with the outstretched arms of an earth angel, in the direction of my predestined path. In response to my letter, titled, ‘I’m an Addict’ posted on 18 July 2011, in which I shared about my sugar addiction and the resultant self imposed denial thereof out of fear of being controlled by my out-of-control insatiable desire for as long as I can remember, Muriel sent me an article by Geneen Roth, which suggested that I make space for this addiction and allow myself to have as much of the forbidden foods as it would take for me to get my fill and satisfy my cravings. This is quite a scary consideration, when you know the nature of the obsessive beast we’re talking about.

So, to cut a long story short, I went out and bought all manner of sweets: jelly babies, liquorice, white rabbits, butterscotch and placed a bowl in our lounge, where anyone could freely help themselves whenever they liked without scrutiny or judgement. Each day I would refill the bowl and gloriously, free of guilt, tuck in whenever I felt the urge. I then progressed to making raw chocolates and consuming them in a couple of days with the help of Dylan, my youngest son. I started baking rusks and consumed those too at a vigorous rate.

I was really beginning to love my new found freedom, freedom from self-judgement, freedom from guilt, freedom to have a beer or two without the angel of Fear rearing his angry head.

Slowly, slowly I started to feel the tingle and niggling reminders of my past allergic responses to my body’s invasion by foreign substances.

My left armpit swelled up with a painful lump, my nasal passages had became stuffy and congested, my mouth began erupting in cold sores and white sores, my tongue was coated in candida, my body was covered in raised allergic bumps, my eyes had dark rings underneath, my weight had escalated and I now had a layer of blubber around my middle area which made me feel like I had a constant suffocating life vest around my midriff. I was feeling tired and lethargic.

Dylan commented to me that he needed to lay off the sweets for a while because he was plagued by constant white sores. The cracks were starting to appear.

I started to pine for my pain free, lovely body I had taken for granted. I had forgotten how nice it felt to wake up every morning without stiff joints and feeling alive. I hadn’t appreciated being able to breathe clearly until my nose became clogged with allergic mucous. I longed for my sleek smooth skin instead of my newly acquired dry, itchy, rashy skin. My dark ringed eyes reminded me of what it feels like to have torn the ring out of it the night before. The pressure on my sinuses made me long for this heavy mask to be lifted off my face.

Was I enjoying the food stuffs so much that the resultant suffering was worthwhile?

“No”, my body was screaming! “Release me!” “You’re hurting me!”

So, I have come to my newly empowered senses and without any feelings of incrimination or stupidity, I decide to choose healthy, energy providing foods. I have a new sense of freedom, freedom of choice. I am not denied anything.

My paradigm shift has happened and I now only want the foods that make me well, strong , healthy and happy. I will no longer feel denied or deprived because I have the choice. I am empowered by the process of having allowed myself to go over the edge and experience the short lived pleasure.

But after a week or so of eating real good, healthy food again, it feels amazing to wake up each day feeling alive and ready to conquer the world!

So thank you, my angel Muriel, for your empowering lesson.

“What we resist, persists”, When we let go and surrender the balance will find itself.

My wish for you, precious soul, is that you too become the master of your own choices

Yours in love

Nicolette

Give Yourself the Gift of Time

When was the last time you you lay on your back and looked for pictures in the clouds?
When's the last time you belted it out in the shower?
When's the last time you took an iced biscuit and split it in half and licked all the icing off the one side?
When did you last spin around like a top until you fell to the ground all giddy?
When is the last time you decored an orange and sucked all of its juicy contents until the skin broke?
When's the last time you spoke gobbildy gook?
When is the last time you laughed until the tears ran down your cheeks?
When was the last time you went walking or dancing in the rain without shoes on?
When was the last time you got out of the swimming pool and lay on the warm pool surround until the sun dried you off?
When did you last watch the birds building their little nests?
When's the last time you threw yourself into a pile of leaves?
When's the last time you rolled down a hill like a sausage roll?
When's the last time you hung upside down off the couch and observed the world upside down?
When is the last time you had a water fight, or a cream fight or a mud bath?
When is the last time you played with your food instead of swallowing it whole?

I was just wondering!

I took some time out the other day and climbed into the hammock my oldest son, Calvin, had erected. Calvin had observed me building my meditation garden and decided to create a quiet space of his own in another corner of our garden beneath our Mulberry tree.

Well, there I was, all wrapped up in the hammock with a bunch of grapes in my lap. I was hungrily gulping down the grapes one by one until I crunched on the first seed which was quite bitter and I thought for a moment how I always chew and swallow them, because I have heard that they hold so much nutrition. I then in my new found 'guilt-free zone', decided to spit out the next few pips and this turned into quite a game, seeing how far I could project each pip. I then remembered how as a child I'd love to break the grape in half and then suck out the contents of each half, spewing out pips and discarding the remaining empty skins. I was becoming very creative and started peeling off the bitter skin with my teeth and nibbling it until all that was left was a perfect sweet sphere. I'd pop the juicy ball into my mouth and see how long I could resist before sinking my teeth into its juicy flesh.

I was lost in virtual heaven and I don't know how much time passed. However I can say that I really savoured and enjoyed the experience of eating those grapes. I really tasted the bitter and the sweet. It was a game and I was totally self absorbed. How self indulgent can some of life's simplest activities be? I was totally present and felt completely relaxed and refreshed.

I find I get a similar kind of feeling from washing dishes and getting my hands in the warm soapy water. For me it's always been a kind of meditation. It's something I want to take my time over and not be rushed.

Aren't we all swept up in this hurricane paced world, without the time of day to enjoy life's richest pleasures? Aren't we missing out on tasting, feeling, smelling and sensing every step of our journeys by hastening to the finishing line? Aren't we going to get to a ripe old age and realise that we can't turn back the clock? It's too late! We can't shrink our kids and go back and play with them. We can't PVR our lives and go back to a stage we glossed over so that we can really get more out of it. We've only got this one chance and it is today! It is right now!

So, I am putting this challenge to you. How about finding ways of doing things differently, turning chores into fun. Hand watering the garden instead of letting the sprinklers do it for you. Next time the heavens open, instead of dashing for cover, walk in the rain and savour the alive feeling of the water droplets pulsating on your skin. Open your mouth and taste the water straight from the clouds.

I can't wait for the rain!

Whose coming dancing with me in the rain?

Give yourself, dear friend, the most treasured gift of time
because you're worth it and you deserve the best life has to give
and it's free!

until next week

Nicolette

Out with the Old

Spring has sprung and the trees are bursting with little shoots of green. The birds are busy building little homes and doing their flattering dances. Walking through the suburbs this morning, my nose was seduced by nature's perfumery. All of nature seems abuzz with life and abundant energy.

Isn't it fascinating how we are all seduced by the opportunity to have a fresh start, to forget about our yesterdays and focus on creating a new improved, more positive future for ourselves?

It's a time of discarding and sloughing off old stuff that doesn't serve us any more. How often do we notice the feel-good emotions of spring cleaning, whether it is in the garden, our cupboards or ourselves?

Well, I don't know about you, but I have been a very busy bee in my garden for the past couple of weeks. I seem to have shifted mountains of soil, pruned bags full of dead branches and leaves, replanted many a plant that has burst its pot or been crying for a new spot in the garden. I've been composting and top soiling and fertilising and trying to ply the earth with as many nutrients as possible to encourage new life and growth.

I haven't as yet tackled my cupboards, but in due course I will try on my entire summer wardrobe and shed what doesn't work for me any more and that of which I have grown tired. If I haven't worn something in the last two years then I'm not likely to wear it in the near future. Discard, donate, recycle!

However, the thing which is tugging at my conscience, is this: my soul feels like it needs a spring clean. I really feel like I need to let go of a bunch of stored information, whether that is conscious or unconscious. I feel the need to express and unleash some negativity, some anger, a whole dollop of old conditioning, sadness, preconceived ideas that no longer serve me and a bunch more.

It rather feels like when we are catching a ride in the lift at the local shopping centre and the door opens on the floor at which we wish to exit. But before we have the opportunity to navigate our way to the door, a whole bunch of keen shoppers squash themselves in, causing those of us, wishing to vacate to stagnate.

Ha, ha... That's exactly what I'm feeling like right now. If I don't get rid of all this old baggage, firstly I'll stagnate and secondly there is no room for new ideas. The lift is full to capacity.

So right now, as I go within and observe the status quo, all is not so calm and peaceful and ready for the surge of fresh ideas with spring. I am feeling an intense need to purge myself of my old habits, my old thinking, some past undealt with issues and even some stuff that I don't even know exists. Does that make any sense?

I feel as though I need to have a good cleansing cry, to open the floodgates and wash out all the old debris that is stagnating my soul and restricting my growth.

So here's to looking deep inside ourselves, evaluating our old beliefs and honouring them for the lessons they brought and then allowing them to wash right through and out of us, making space for the innovative and the explorative.

After all it is the season of:"out with the old and in with the new!"

Embrace your spring cleaning in body, mind and soul!
Have a good cry, a quiet meditation or a physical workout, whatever you need to clear out the cobwebs, set new intentions and honour yourself.

until next week

lots of love
Nicolette

It's Me!

"Isn't it funny how we hide behind our fears?....
 Isn't it funny how we always play pretend?
 Isn't it funny how we try to fool the world?
 Isn't it typical to blame someone else?
 Isn't it typical to make a lame excuse?"

These are some of the words from one of my favourite songs by Nianell.

She further sings about:"If you know what's inside of you
Why not believe in what you can do
Do you know you can change the way things are?
If you can see it
You can be it!"

What powerful words of wisdom.

How often when we are miserable do we lash out at those nearest and dearest to us and lay blame and guilt at their feet. Is it because we need those around us to feel our sufferance and pain? We need to try and drag them down to our level of pain.

Perhaps we haven't realised that all we need do is reach down deep inside ourselves and find our own inner wisdom and truth. Nobody can make us unhappy. We are responsible for making our own happiness. When we realise this important truth, when we can actually see it! Then we can live and be it!

I received the most gorgeous prayer last week from Kim, my hairdresser, and it goes like this:
" Lord grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change
  the courage to change the one I can and...
  the wisdom to know it's ME!"

Oh, and not one of us is off the hook here, because it is not someone else's problem or someone else's fault. We all do have the power to change our worlds around us. We can start by changing how we choose to perceive our lives and  how we react to them. We can decide to make the most out of whatever opportunities life presents us with and we can decide to enjoy the ride.

Because each one of us is worth it!

Let's spend the next 7 days focusing on what we can do to bring more joy into our lives
Here are some ideas to which you'll add a whole lot more of your own...
Make a list of what's good in your life. When you get to 20 things you'll start smiling
Know that there are always a million people worse off than yourself
Surprise a friend with an impromptu visit or call
Stroke a pet or a baby. Really connect and focus your attention on enjoying giving love and affection without receiving anything in return
Make time for precious you to enjoy a favourite hobby
Listen to your favourite songs
Find people to compliment daily
Say: "I love you" and mean it!
Plan to do something on your bucket list, don't wait until you're too old
Spend time outdoors, whether it's riding motorbikes, hiking or gardening
Do little things that make you feel special, buy flowers for yourself or make a small pot of tea just for you and sit in a quiet spot and savour the moment
Enjoy the deliciousness of sunrise or sunset. Spring is here!
Literally smell the roses or the jasmine and pick some for your bathroom
Have a gorgeous candlelit bath
Make your favourite meal
Wear your best underwear today. What are you saving it for, your funeral?

Now is the time to love and spoil yourself and
Enjoy your life!

Happy self loving and spoiling yourselves
because you can!
Have an awesome week

love you
Nicolette

Surrender

We were talking about "Life is the dancer, we are the dance" three blogs ago when I received an inspirational message from a friend of mine which highlighted yet more interesting thoughts on the subject, and which I feel compelled to share.

I'm sure we have all experienced first hand the thrill of being whisked around the dance floor in the arms of an experienced and confident dancer. On the flip side of that, we have also experienced the painstaking torture of dancing with a partner who has no rhythm or flow, who jerkily stumbles and forcibly pushes and tugs us around the dance floor.

Haven't we noticed how important it is to have someone who leads and someone who follows. When we both try and lead, it turns into a push-me-pull-you type of tug of war.

I was mulling over what Morrie refers to as a tension of opposites in Mitch Album's 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and deduced that it is not our differences that make as war against each other, but rather our similarities.

I love to compare life to science. Place the North pole of a magnet next to the South pole and voila! fatal attraction. However, try and push the two north poles together and you can't.

Isn't it fascinating how in relationships, when we butt heads, it is never about our differences that we actually fight, but rather our samenesses? Isn't it true that when we rub up against someone who irritates us immensely that the very thing that repels us is the same quality we find in ourselves. How often do we bump heads with the parent or child that is most like ourselves? Food for thought!

Haven't we observed periods when we become stuck in our lives and everything we turn to just doesn't work out because we are trying to force situations which resist us. When we allow ourselves to fall into alignment with our higher power or god and follow the lead, the blessings flow.

Isn't there a time to surrender ourselves to the gentle guidance of someone or something else? And when we do, don't we create a dance of awesome majestic poetry, harmony and beauty?

Some of us are fighting and wrestling with Life, the dancer, and others of us are flowing rhythmically following her gentle lead.

How do we choose to dance, how do we choose to live?

wishing you a week of waltzing with life

Nicolette

Open the Window

As a contributor for the quarterly e-mag, 'Singles in the City' (SITC), I was pondering about what material I wanted to share with the readers this coming quarter.

Rewind, rewind...

I tried to put myself back in my singles shoes, which was a quarter of a century ago and the thing that came to the forefront for me was dating and finding the right mate.

Fast forward, fast forward...

The weddings, the vows and happy promises, I will, I do, Forever, forever, 'til death do us part... Blissful times of believing in happily ever afters. Ours will be perfect, ours will make it, our love will never change...

Fast fwd, fast fwd...

I'm now revisiting my first friends going through their ever so painful divorces. My selfish feelings are of loss, loss of our little bubble of friends, having to choose sides and mixed loyalties. Broken relationships, broken chains, broken support groups, loss of safety...

Fear, anger, hatred, denial, blaming, finger pointing from the respective parties, followed by intensive partying, searching and hunting for the perfect mate...

At this stage I remember feeling intensely jealous of all the fun, freedom, lack of routine and frivolity my newly single friends were having, whilst I was sticking piously to my routine of keeping fort, making meals, fetching and carrying kids, helping with homework, etc. Whilst I was grocery shopping, my single friends were out wining and dining and buying sexy underwear and shoes. Whilst I was disciplining whining kids, they were having wicked weekends away whilst their kids were at the ex. Not fair?
.
I think what I'm trying to say is this:" Why are we always obsessing about what we don't have instead of loving what we've got."
 
My marriage is not perfect, it is good because we (my husband and I) work at it relentlessly, our sons are wonderful young men, but they have their testosterone shouting matches and bad hair days almost daily, just like all of us do. I am happy because I choose to be happy by focusing on my blessings.

Do you know that feelings of fear or unforgiveness cannot operate at the same time in our minds as gratitude.  Negativity and positivity operate in different parts of the brain and we apparently cannot have both windows open at the same time, so by consciously choosing to focus on our blessings, we force the window of negative feelings to close.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer sums it up so perfectly. She writes, "The question is not why are we so infrequently the people we really want to be. The question is why do we so infrequently want to be the people we really are?"

Which window have you got open?
Take a moment to reflect on all your wonderful blessings and choose happiness.
I can recommend it!

Have a joyful week, basking in your positive reflections
and remember to tell yourself that you love yourself immensely

love
Nicolette

Guilt Free!

Wow! Have I been dancing since we last chatted? Oh yes! And how free of guilt I am feeling. Something has shifted and it feels so amazing.

Have you changed your dance since last week?

Well, you know how we discussed that we have the power to choose another dance at any time in our lives? I have consciously decided to stop being so controlling on my myself. I have let go of the fear of my sugar addiction and have surrendered to my greater truth, trusting and knowing that I am balanced and whole without doing anything.

This weekend, which was a four-day long weekend, I spent so much time in the garden, at home pottering, gardening, watching nice movies, basking in the sun and today walking with friends and lunching at the Botanical Gardens.

How energising it is to spend time in nature!

Nature is so pure. It is consciousness. It just is. How energised we become by just being PRESENT i.e. when we can switch off the nagging computer voice in our heads, that is constantly making judgements, and rather just go with the flow of life.

"In the sky there is no distinction of east or west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true" is a quote I picked up recently.

How awesome it is to not constantly be casting self judgements. How wonderful to enjoy lunch with friends and not have to wrestle with the menu to find something to eat, not have to recreate a dish, but rather just order something as it appears on the menu, knowing that it will not kill me. It was wonderful to not feel bad or guilty or remorseful afterwards, just pure pleasure.

Isn't that how life is meant to feel? Well, if we choose that dance, that is.

I hope you're experimenting choosing other dances and finding your intended outcome. Remember you're in charge of your own destiny.

And you deserve it!

love you

Nicolette

Life is the Dancer

How profound are these words of Eckhart Tolle: "Life is the dancer, we are the dance". It has taken me about three years to really grasp the inner meaning of this statement and to have it resonate from my every cell.

Well, I'm going to at least try and impart the message of significance that it is to me.

I was participating in a Family Constellation yesterday and had been invited to portray 'LIFE'. I keenly assumed the personification of what life represents to me. Life is constantly changing, it never stands still. It happens all around us whilst we stress and resist and make other plans. So you can see why I started to dance and move around the room, much to the amusement of all present. It soon became evident that my dancing without music was making everyone uncomfortable. I, as 'Life', asked others to join me, but no one felt comfortable. Then another person stepped in to take up another facet of 'Life' as the serious side, because it had been suggested that I appeared frivolous,lighthearted and too happy? Perhaps shallow, not spiritual enough???

Anyhow, long story short, when serious 'Life' stepped into the circle everyone felt safe and unthreatened and protected, which got me thinking.

If 'Life' IS the dancer, then what dance are we choosing to dance? Do we choose the dance of pity, fear, anger, hatred, unforgiveness, suspicion, safety or the dance of faith, risk, love, forgiveness, peace, happiness or serenity?

I then had a flashback to Viktor Frankel's, 'Man's Search for Meaning' where he explores three things that gives man the drive and determination to live. He suggests that some of us live for the people in our lives (our loved ones), some live for the purpose of our calling (our work) and yet others of us live for our suffering, because suffering gives us meaning and a purpose.

So, to roll these two thoughts into one, I suddenly awoke to a new truth, my truth, that some of us will never take up the offer to do the dance of happiness, because the dance of meaning for us may be the dance of self-pity or sufferance or even unforgiveness. Even though the switch to another dance is as simple as making the decision. We have become so entangled in our own webs we have woven, that we can't even see that we have followed a path of our own making and that if we just trust and take the first step of faith, we can change our dance, we can choose another dance.

We are the dance. We get to make our choice. Life is the dancer, continuously whirling around us. We may think that we are the one in control, but we're not. Creation happens and destiny happens. Our choices are relative to how we react and participate in the dance. By refusing to dance, we may think that we have control, but we are merely dancing the dance of stubbornness, fear or perhaps anger. However, we are still dancing.

Oriah Mountain Dreamer, in her book, 'The Dance' suggests: "What if it truly doesn't matter what you do but how you do whatever you do? How would this change what you choose to do with your life?... How would this shape your stillness, your movement, your willingness to follow this impulse, to just let go and dance?

One of my most favourite people and singer/song writer, Nianel sings: "This is my moment, I'm taking my chance, Life has invited me, I'm going to DANCE!"

So, I urge you, without self judgement, take up this awesome offer, take the risk and choose a dance, whichever one has meaning for you, but just dance! And when you get tired of the dance you picked, choose another dance, the choices are yours.

Have an awesome week of dancing. Try the sexy tango or a cheeky shuffle. Try a dance of solitude and a wild and crazy Maypole dance. Try them all.

Just dance!

love
Nicolette

Take up your Sword!

"Have pity Lord, on we who seek out and dare to take up the sword that you have promised, and who are a saintly and sinful lot scattered throughout the world. Because we do not recognise even ourselves, and often think that we are dressed, but we are nude; we believe that we have committed a crime, when in reality we have saved someone's life. And do not forget in your pity for all of us that we hold the sword with the hand of an angel and the hand of a devil, and that they are both the same hand. Because we are of the world, and we continue to be of the world, and we have need of thee. We will always be in need of thy law that says,'When I sent you without money bag, knapsack and sandals, you lacked nothing.'"
                                                    'The Pilgrimage'  Paulo Coelho

Isn't it funny how one minute we feel quite puffed up in our pride and ego about something we did that we consider to be meaningful and in the next breath we are humble and denuded and again in ego, feeling undeserving of praise or recognition.

And isn't it funny how both of these dramas need pity.

Don't we need to pity the oppressor and the oppressed, the controller and the martyr, the boastful and the insecure, the obese and the anorexic, those who fear death and those who think they're immortal, those who save the world, but can't save their own lives and those who have triumphed in their own lives, but can't conquer the world.

Isn't there a bit of ourselves in each of these scenarios?

Why do we question our worth when we are so perfectly and wonderfully made in God's likeness. We lack nothing. There is nothing we need to say or do or be that we are not already.

All we have to be is "be".

I mean it is ludicrous to think that we are what we do, because then if we don't, we aren't.
And how silly to think we are what we wear, because if we don't wear anything, we aren't.

Just by getting up this morning and leaving timeously for work and not speeding you may have saved someone's life. Just by smiling at a stranger and passing them a compliment you may have prevented them from taking their own life.

How do we know whether that harsh word of biting criticism is not the very catalyst to cause a person to take action and better themselves or the contrary bury themselves alive.

We don't know!

But we do have to stop doubting ourselves and believe that we are exactly what and where we are supposed to be and that there is a cause and effect, universal oneness to which we are all entwined. Each and every action and reaction is a ripple effect which affects us all. We are not lone rangers. We are all vital players in this amazingly complex macrocosm.

What we must do is take up our swords unapologetically and be who we are!
The world is affected by our being
It is through our being wholly what we are (complete in ourselves) and a part of the whole (team players), that all of creation is.

And I too had to re read that a few times to understand the higher message.

wishing you a week of being exactly who you are
and reminding yourself frequently that your worth is pivotal in the greater scheme of things

love
Nicolette

I'm an Addict

I am a sugar addict and I have been for as long as I can remember.

For me there are so many temptations as they come in the form of : sweets, cakes, puddings, alcohol, muesli, muffins, health bars, ice cream, toffee, pancakes... Ooh stop it already!! I just don't seem to have an off button when it comes to sugar.

Today I thought I'd explore the topic of addictions, because I don't know too many people who are well balanced and addiction free, the very person I strive to be.

Most of us seem to have some or one addiction, be it smoking, alcohol, savoury food, sugar, sex, adrenaline sports, drugs, you name it.

Haven't we observed over and over again that abstinence is not a cure. How many times have we tried to quit our addictions by abstaining only to be offered a taste, a sip or a bite five months or two years later and voila! we're back and uncontrollably binging out. It's almost as if we are needing to get our fix for all those days of abstinence. It's as if all those days or months of denial have built up such a resistance that in just one moment of weakness, the walls come tumbling down.

I am fully aware of the reasons for treating life threatening addictions with full abstinence, but I ask myself the question: If I have to abstain from sugar completely for the rest of my life, so as not to spin out of control, then who wins? Have I mastered control over sugar or does sugar still control me?

I remember Neale Donald Walsch introducing me to the concept of, "What you resist, persists" and I have to be entirely honest with myself here. I gave up sugar for three years and I started again. I give it up for months and then one taste gets me all obsessed again. I seem to swing from one extreme to the other. Isn't abstinence just more of the extreme behaviour, but the opposite?

I looked up the metaphysical cause of addictions in Louise Hay's book; 'Heal your Body' and found the suggestion that " we are running from ourselves. Fear. Not knowing how to love ourselves".

With that in mind, aren't we running away in fear when we rigidly impose complete denial upon ourselves? Abstinence with fear cannot be the answer. Fear of one more drink, fear of one taste because It WILL get the better of me!

But what of another option? Louise Hay suggests replacing our old thought patterns with a new one; " I now discover how wonderful I am. I choose to love and enjoy myself."

Perhaps herein lies the key to balance. If we are true to ourselves and dearly love ourselves, if we spend time each day consciously nurturing ourselves, wouldn't we be more inclined to nurture our bodies with energy giving, vital, healthy choices that are good for us rather than giving in to our cravings?

So, let's ask ourselves:
Do I love myself?
Do I deserve the best life has to offer me?
Do I deserve to be healthy, happy and energetic?
Do I choose to nourish and nurture myself?

If we answer yes to all of those questions, then we must be on the road to healthy choices and perhaps if we remind ourselves daily of our worth, we won't find ourselves reaching for an emotional quick fix because we know we are worth more than that!

Wishing you a week of savouring yourself in love, salivating in self appreciation and being the master of your own choices

love
Nicolette

Black and White

I see love and the absence of love everywhere I go. It's almost as if I am wearing glasses that turn the present reality into a photographic negative. It's black and white and all shades of grey. The shadows or blackness are merely the lack of light or love.

We operate in our black zone and our white zone and often times in many shades of our grey zones. Don't we? None of us can honestly say that we operate in our white zone all the time, can we?

When we are living in the now we are operating out of love. When we are in ego, or focused on the past or future, we cannot transmit love. It's as though we have temporarily stepped out of our earth suits and are not present.

How often do we start out our day with every good intention of being loving and patient and kind (of operating in our white zone) and within half an hour we have got caught up in some egotistical tussle or locking horns with someone over something insignificant and we find we have switched zones. The white light, that is love, temporarily stops transmitting

Do you ever feel hypocritical? I do!

Do you sometimes feel like a push-me-pull-you. For those of you not familiar with Dr Seuss, a push-me-pull-you is a Siamese twin-like character. The one half of the person pulls to the right whilst the other half pulls left. We have every intention of eating healthy today and then we succumb to the temptation of a chocolate. We have set our intentions to be patient and find ourselves blowing off steam at the slightest provocation.

Aren't we all inherently good? We are all full of white light. It's just that sometimes we don't transmit it so brightly and other times we don't transmit it at all. Why is it shameful to lose our composure and make mistakes? Is it not out of these very mistakes that better judgement is born?

Don't we all deserve to have second chances. Imagine a world of having all your mistakes rubbed into your face at every turn. Don't we deserve to change our minds as often as we like without anyone counting. Wouldn't it be sad to be told that you are a hypocrite because you acted such and such a way and now that is how you are perceived to be from now to eternity? You made your bed, now lie in it!

Didn't all sages became wise through their mistakes? Each bull's eye hit is the result of a hundred misses.

Our judgements can only become wrong to us when we shift our perspective and hence our views .Through experience and growth our judgements become better, so there really are no bad judgements, just better ones. We have to get out there and not be ashamed of making a fool of ourselves, of venturing an opinion today that may shift tomorrow. After all we are all works in progress.

So this week, my friend

I wish you a quiver full to over flowing with arrows
the heart to succeed
and the will to never give up trying!
Dust yourself off when you fail
and be quick to forgive yourself

You are beautiful! Don't ever doubt it!

all my love and white light to illuminate your path

Nicolette