I asked three Men

I asked three men what romance meant to them.

The first man answered that it was when he kissed his wife on the neck and put his tongue in her ear. The second man clammed up and said that that was something personal and he wasn't going to discuss it with me. The third man tried to say something and then it was as if the words choked him and he said he'd have to spend some time thinking about it.

It was as though my question was a bucket of ice cold water that completely extinguished these three men. The silence that resulted from my totally natural and authentic question invited me to say what I thought.

I told the men that I don't believe in romance. Romance is just a gloriously fabricated illusion of the ego. When we expect to be romanced and courted, we are setting ourselves up for failure time and again. We expect another to court us and provide strokes for our egos because of a sincere lack of inner fulfilment. Romance is dependent upon an impossible illusion of the perfect sunset, the perfect gift, the perfect touching and kissing, the perfect choice of words and so on.

Have you ever considered that your fantasy of romantic love is merely a fairy story, like the ones we used to read as kids where the prince charming sweeps the heroine off her feet and they live happily ever after?

We have a responsibility to complete ourselves. It is no one else's responsibility to make us whole.

Man number one excused himself and went to bed. Man number three asked: "How am I supposed to satisfy a woman then?"

That is my point. You are not responsible for another's happiness. You are not responsible for completing another. You have a duty to love yourself. You have to go within and source your own happiness, your own self-esteem and your own inner power. And likewise your woman has to do this for herself. She needs to stand on her own two feet and find her centre of peace and self-love and contentment.

This was too much for man number three and he excused himself and went off to bed.

I could see man number two was writhing in his seat, having been left alone with me. We chatted on for a while, but the conversation shifted to more comfortable territory for him. We discussed other people and what they were doing in their lives. Man number two could breath again. The focus had shifted to something less invasive, less personal. There was no threat of him having to bear his soul.

Shortly after I excused myself to visit the ladies' room and man number two seized the gap and ducked off to his room.

The next morning at breakfast man number two came over and thanked me for causing him to think. I was flabbergasted because I had felt as though my words were like blanks firing from a pistol. My husband then enquired about what I had discussed with the three guys. It transpired that man number two's wife had been woken from her sleep because her man wanted to discuss what was on his mind. She had apparently told him to leave her to sleep and go back and discuss it with me.

Anyhow, the exercise is what it is. So if I cause you to think as a result of this sharing then  my mission is complete.

In closing I wish to add that romance is a fantasy and fantasies are best left in the recesses of your mind. They are not meant to be realised. But dreams are another story. Dreams must be realised. They must be brought to fruition.
We need to dream because it is our way of reinventing and recreating our lives going forward. It is by our dreams that we access the courage to make our lives better.

So here's to fulfilling yourself and bringing your dreams to fruition

Have a happy week

love
Nicolette

My Legacy to You

Hello everyone

Today I am inundated with builders and editing, so I thought I'd share with you what I wrote for Spice4Life a few weeks ago.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you think you're dying? I did, a few weeks back, and the amazing thing is that after the fear subsided, this incredible calm came over me. I suddenly realised that I have nothing to fear about dying and everything to fear about not actually, really living.

So here is the article titled, 'My Legacy to You'.

Please click on the link below and don't forget to rate the article. It takes 3 seconds http://www.spice4life.co.za/inspiration/my-legacy-you 

Have an awesome week ahead making the most out of every never-to-be-repeated second.

Love

Nicolette

 

Why God made Women

The head of psychiatry at Stanford University is reported as stating that one of the best things a man can do for his health is be married to a woman whereas one of the best things a woman can do for her health is nurture her relationships with her girlfriends.

This might sound bizarre, but when women interact with one another they share from their souls, whereas men interact on a shallower level through external activities like sport. Men brush the surface of their troubles by numbing away their feelings with beers, physical exercise and comradery. They pretend to be strong and independent, but as they deny their feelings to be nurtured they cause themselves ill health and shortened life.

Let's take a look at the essential qualities of the yin and the yang, the male and female energies that make up the perfect balance that we, humanity, are.

The definition of male energy is outer focus, actioning, achieving. It implies force, movement and firmness. Male energy interestingly enough creates individuality, independence and separateness.

Feminine energy is the flip side of the same coin and is experienced in receptivity, softness, flexibility, creativity and nurturing. It's focus is on the inner world of feelings and is expressed as cooperation and togetherness. 

You can see that both of these polarities, if not matched with their complimentary opposite, are 'ego' out of control. The dominant male energy asserts that it is superior and is controlling and forceful. The stand alone female energy becomes weak and submissive and seeks to be filled by external factors. Male energy, out of control, loses itself in ruthless violence, aggression and war. Female energy that is overly expressed is clingy, needy and dependent.

The energy that Earth now needs to balance its current masculine overdose is feminine energy. Most women have become unbalanced in their masculine energies in order to survive and make it in the formerly 'dog-eat-dog', male-focused world.

We all have masculine and feminine energy within us. That creates the perfect symbiosis between achieving and being. We all need to nurture our feminine energy. We all need to connect and engage with one another. We need to garner our femininity and provide support for each other in stressful and difficult times. We need to share our feelings and offer a shoulder of comfort in each other's suffering. We need to foster interdependence and oneness.

Feminine energy is crucial for our health and for longevity. Physically speaking, the time spent with girlfriends creates serotonin - a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well being. So if you're feeling down or depressed who you gonna call? A girlfriend, a wife, a mother, a sister or daughter. Feminine energy is good for your health.

I googled life expectancy and noted that in first world countries the expected life span of a woman is on average five years longer than a man's. 

The bottom line is women outlast men and it could well be accredited to the fact that women embrace their feelings. They are more willing to recognise their weaknesses and foster interdependent relationships. Women recognise their need for real friends who connect on a soul level. Women intuitively know how to foster longevity in themselves and others and hence I have observed that when many couples split up, it is the men who seem less likely to manage to live by themselves. Women have the support of their girlfriends. We all need the nurturing of feminine energy. We all need to feel self-love and compassion.

So go on, pick up the phone and make a date with a woman, but more importantly make that connect with your inner goddess. We all have one. Make regular dates to go within and seek soul time and nurture compassion for yourself. Balance your masculine with a healthy dose of super feminine energy.

Have a divine week embracing your feminine side

in softness, love and nurturing
Nicolette
 

Are you an Emotional Rollercoaster?

Do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Are you always venting about how you have been wronged? If you had a bad day at the office is your whole day a right off?  Is life spinning out of control? Do you feel like a victim of emotional abuse? Do you feel taken for granted? Does it always feel like it is just you who is being made to suffer?

If your answer to most of those questions is yes, then it is quite likely that you unable to separate the you in the background of your experience to what is happening all around you. You are fusing your identity to your ego and not your soul.

You need to step off the emotional roller coaster for a well needed time-out. Stop the swirling and the frantic pace and go within to the stillness. Detach yourself from your mind games, your ego, your intellect, your past conditioning and your habitual practises. Just STOP!

Now breathe! Close your eyes and breath into your diaphragm and expand your belly. Take long, slow inhalations and hold your breath for as long as you can. Then exhale focusing on releasing all negativity and tension. With your eyes closed notice how all your other senses awaken. Your hearing becomes intensified. The sounds around you suddenly become louder. Your internal dialogue from your body parts is sharpened. You can notice small shifts within that you were oblivious to before when your eyes were open. In fact if you were to balance on one leg, you would very soon feel the struggle between the left and right hemispheres as your centre of gravity shifts intricately from your left brain to your right brain.

Shut out the distractions of the world and journey within. Find the solace and the peace. Visit with the 'main event' you, who is largely ignored when your eyes are open.

This 'you' is your parent self. This is your companion and help meet, your Spirit guide. This is the you who is at the helm of your life experience. Spend time connecting with your Spirit self in the dark where all your senses evolve. Recognise that it is out of this darkness that all of creation has its origin. Die to your outer self so you can be born again here in the dark. Close your eyes so you can see again. Shut out all visible distractions and dream a new dream.

Everything out there is like a movie. And your Spirit is the spectator. Anytime the movie feels too real and personal, just close your eyes and remind yourself of your true identity. You will notice that Spirit is never frazzled. Spirit is like an anchor of rock solid content. Spirit doesn't get thrown about on the treacherous waves without. Spirit is one eternal presence of calm.

This is your inheritance. This calm is all yours. All you need do is become quiet and go within. In the stillness God speaks to us through the connect of our souls. When we are one with Spirit, all the material world is of secondary importance. Our egos are side stepped and we find ourselves at home.

So, if you're an emotional roller coaster, don't lash out at others with radical accusations and demands for others to buckle to your needs. Go within and source your peace. Close your eyes and feel the warmth of Spirit's eternal presence. Feel safe and secure and loved. Know that everything you are is as it is meant. Let go of attachment to your experiences, past and present. Just witness them as a bystander. Take from any experience those memories you wish to learn from and discard the rest. You are at the helm. You are not a victim. You need not be whirled screaming along in the unreality of the roller coaster ride. Just close your eyes and reach within. That is where reality prevails. Choose to live your life from the calm of your Spirit rather than the outer chaos of one fearful roller coaster ride to the next.

Have a calm and centred week accessing your peace


love
Nicolette