Hall Pass

Well now this is a controversial subject!

A few months ago I was exploring my fear of my sweet addiction which was utterly controlling me and following the suggestion of a friend, I threw all caution and FEAR to the wind and indulged myself in a complete guilt-free splurge of sugar, sweets, ice cream, cakes, bread, you name it.

The result: once I removed my self imposed restrictions and freed myself from the fear and the guilt, sugar no longer had a hold on me. I was free. You can read my two blogs to which I refer; 'I'm an Addict', dated 18 July and 'Thanks Muriel', dated 19 September.

In the same vane, I questioned myself about men and my fear of letting go of myself just in case I might fall into "sin".

So, unbeknownst to my husband of 23 years, I explored the option of releasing myself from the fetters of marriage, without fear or guilt or self judgement and opened myself to the possibility of loving others even to the point of it becoming a physical expression.

I remember discussing this new found freedom with one of my friends, who was fascinated as to quite how this was going to play out.

I told her I was not quite sure, but that I certainly felt lighter as I wasn't walking around,weighed down by my shackles of fear. It fascinates me how we self impose restrictions of one love and consume ourselves with fear of adultery or cheating. Why do we do this? Is it because of our old conditioning, our upbringing? I believe that we have more than enough love to give and by giving to another doesn't take anything away from the love we share with our life partner, as long as our intention is to never hurt anyone, as long as our intentions are pure and loving and honouring. How can loving anyone under any circumstances be a sin?

Well, my eyes were opened and with this new found clarity I started to really look at men and notice them for real. I could for the first time really meet their gaze and stare right into their souls. I started to notice that each man I met didn't have the qualities that I so love and appreciate in my husband. I soon realised that the man I am married to is the same person that I still choose to be with and that he has spoilt me for other men, should I ever be on my own.

I am grateful, through releasing my fears, to have found the space to recognise how the man with whom I still live after 25 years, is still the one for me.

How many people get to that amazing discovery, without first losing their love. I used to think hindsight was the best sight, but who needs that when we have all the answers we seek right at our fingertips.

I am so grateful that I gave myself a 'Hall Pass', so that I could cease believing that I was prohibited from engaging with another man for fear of falling into temptation. I realise that my marriage is not an institution but a choice that I still voluntarily make. I am free, free to be me, free of guilt, free of shackles, free of fear. Yay!

The minute I gave myself carte blanche, I no longer felt denied anything, I was filled with a huge overwhelming peace and contentment, an inner knowing that it is unlikely that I would choose to have another partner sexually speaking as long as my husband and I choose to be with each other.

Fear really is the reason we mess up so frequently. Fear creates blockages that wouldn't exist should we choose to live fearlessly. Fear of not being in control. Fear of ones addictions. Fear of being controlled.

And don't forget trust. The highest honour we can bestow upon another being is to trust them. And we need to trust ourselves too. We can only trust in the absence of fear.

So let go of worry and fear and give yourself the gift of trust.

Trust me. It works

Remind yourself how trustworthy you are, how you adore you, how you love yourself. Surround yourself with love.

Have an awesome fearless week

love

Nicolette