As a contributor for the quarterly e-mag, 'Singles in the City' (SITC), I was pondering about what material I wanted to share with the readers this coming quarter.
Rewind, rewind...
I tried to put myself back in my singles shoes, which was a quarter of a century ago and the thing that came to the forefront for me was dating and finding the right mate.
Fast forward, fast forward...
The weddings, the vows and happy promises, I will, I do, Forever, forever, 'til death do us part... Blissful times of believing in happily ever afters. Ours will be perfect, ours will make it, our love will never change...
Fast fwd, fast fwd...
I'm now revisiting my first friends going through their ever so painful divorces. My selfish feelings are of loss, loss of our little bubble of friends, having to choose sides and mixed loyalties. Broken relationships, broken chains, broken support groups, loss of safety...
Fear, anger, hatred, denial, blaming, finger pointing from the respective parties, followed by intensive partying, searching and hunting for the perfect mate...
At this stage I remember feeling intensely jealous of all the fun, freedom, lack of routine and frivolity my newly single friends were having, whilst I was sticking piously to my routine of keeping fort, making meals, fetching and carrying kids, helping with homework, etc. Whilst I was grocery shopping, my single friends were out wining and dining and buying sexy underwear and shoes. Whilst I was disciplining whining kids, they were having wicked weekends away whilst their kids were at the ex. Not fair?
.
I think what I'm trying to say is this:" Why are we always obsessing about what we don't have instead of loving what we've got."
My marriage is not perfect, it is good because we (my husband and I) work at it relentlessly, our sons are wonderful young men, but they have their testosterone shouting matches and bad hair days almost daily, just like all of us do. I am happy because I choose to be happy by focusing on my blessings.
Do you know that feelings of fear or unforgiveness cannot operate at the same time in our minds as gratitude. Negativity and positivity operate in different parts of the brain and we apparently cannot have both windows open at the same time, so by consciously choosing to focus on our blessings, we force the window of negative feelings to close.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer sums it up so perfectly. She writes, "The question is not why are we so infrequently the people we really want to be. The question is why do we so infrequently want to be the people we really are?"
Which window have you got open?
Take a moment to reflect on all your wonderful blessings and choose happiness.
I can recommend it!
Have a joyful week, basking in your positive reflections
and remember to tell yourself that you love yourself immensely
love
Nicolette
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