Messing Up

I have been doing a lot of pondering in the last couple of days, digging deep through my layers and uprooting some really uncomfortable issues that I wasn’t superficially aware of.

One issue that surfaced, challenged me to burn off some of the conditioned patterning from my upbringing. I had the opportunity to dance with a blindfold on, this weekend. The interesting thing that surfaced for me was homophobia. I felt rather hypocritical as I acknowledged and dragged up the undealt with pain of the deeply entrenched collective ego buried within me.

The blindfold liberated me from the confines of my mind. I found I was connecting with the soul of the person I was dancing with, rather than their outer attributes or packaging. I always thought that I was doing a great job of being equanimous, but my humanness surfaced and revealed deeper layers that still need refining. It was an enlightening and freeing experience, but at the same time I felt humbled and rather disappointed in myself.

Some other incidences of late have mirrored for me just how impulsive, tactless and opinionated I am prone to be. I sometimes exhaust myself trying to reconcile the irreconcilable and fix the unfixable, instead of accepting everything just as it is. Again I was made aware that my opinions are just opinions based upon my individual experiences and that my truth is exactly that, just ‘MY truth’, no one else’s.

I may sound rather negative today, as I haul myself over the coals and address the negative aspects of myself. However uncomfortable it has made me feel, it serves to remind me that I am human and flawed and need to forgive myself wholeheartedly.

Today, I give myself permission to have the experience of unconditional love through experiencing everything that it is not, to act unconsciously, to make choices I will later regret and to dive into each experience with the fearless abandon of a child.

I know as a result, I will frequently get messy, but three quarters of the experience is in the cleaning up.

I believe in second chances. So, when I stumble and fall, I will forgivingly dust myself off and try again.  

So, dear soul, give yourself the grace to be kind to yourself when you mess up, and have a beautiful week!

Love
Nicolette