Relationship Rescue

This is the article I wrote for www.spice4life.co.za this month and I thought I'd share it with you.

Here are my top ten tips on how to save your relationship from disaster.

1. LOVE YOURSELF. Love yourself wrinkles, cellulite, short comings and all. You are all you’ve got. You are your own best friend, confidante, teacher, guru and so on. Just go within and fill yourself up with unconditional love. You are the only one who will be with you from birth right through until your physical death. You are the only permanent thing in your life. All other relationships will be for a season. Get to know and make friends with yourself. Until you can love yourself unconditionally, you will never be able to love another, nor will you deem yourself worthy of another’s love. Your inner status quo is a reflection of how you see the world, your partner and how you in turn are treated.
2. BE responsible for your own HAPPINESS. You cannot seek or find happiness anywhere but within yourself. If you place the responsibility of your happiness on your partner’s shoulders, you will have given them the key to your happiness and you will fight with your partner for the rest of your time together over the loss of power that you willingly gave away. Be responsible for doing things that individually make you happy. Your relationship will thrive as a result thereof.
3. NEVER ASSUME to know what your partner is thinking or feeling. It is so important to communicate your feelings, your thoughts and perceptions, because our perceptions can be so wrong. When we assume to know our partner’s feelings we anticipate their reactions and we set ourselves up for conflict time and again.
4. BE your AUTHENTIC self. Don’t try to change your or your partner’s personality. It is our differences that attract us to each other in the first place. We are to each other the yin and the yang. We are complimentary opposites for a reason. We balance each other and create an harmonious whole. We also give each other the opportunity to see our weaknesses and  strengths mirrored in each other.
5. COMMUNICATE what you want, need and feel. Communication is vital to a healthy relationship. Don’t sulk or withdraw. Talking is moving energy. When you clam up your energy becomes stuck and stagnant. As soon as you stop the flow of communication bitterness, anger, frustration and unforgiveness manifest. The longer you withhold communication the more acid and self-destructive the inner turmoil. This negative energy block is the cause of sickness and disease. It will undermine your health and destroy your relationship.
6. BE 100% HONEST. White lies are the withholding of love. Witholding your feelings is lying too. Lies are possibly the most detrimental behaviour to relationships. Don’t do it. Even though the truth sometimes hurts it will reward you with peace of mind and a relationship that is authentic and real. It is better to be truthful and alone than in a relationship based on lies and mistrust.
7. WATCH YOUR MIND. Steer your thoughts to the positive in your life. You can either focus on the negative or the positive, but you can’t do both at the same time. It is impossible. You can choose to focus on the 80% good in your partner or the 80% bad. The choice is yours and so is the outcome. Your relationship will reflect what you project with your mind.
8. PLACE YOUR TRUST IN GOD and not in the human endeavours of your partner. Your partner WILL let you down. He/she is human just like you. And you WILL let your partner down too. If you expect to have a safe and exciting relationship you have just committed your partnership to hell. These two are complete opposites. The only way to have a completely risk-free relationship is to marry a dead person. We are all continually changing, ageing and evolving. Allow your partner the freedom to be and put your trust in Spirit. Everything always works out the way it should, not the way you want it to, but for the highest good of us all.
9. LEAVE YOUR EGO OUT of it. In any argument step aside from your ego. Always ask yourself if your intentions are for your Highest good, not your selfish good, not your material good, but for the sake of LOVE.
10. ALWAYS FORGIVE. Forgive yourself and forgive your partner everything. You are both human and you make mistakes. That is how you learn, grow and evolve into a more loving being. Forgiveness is the knowing that whatever happened, happened for a reason. Forgiveness has gratitude for the opportunity to see what you are made of and to become more conscious. FORGIVENESS offers us the opportunity to tear down the barriers we have built against love and to LOVE more deeply.

And after all isn’t that exactly what we all want?

Have an awesome week

love
Nicolette