I was asked to write an article for the Cape Times on what literature I am reading right now. As I delved into the article I thought it might be of interest if I shared it with you.
Two books are vying for my attention on my bedside table - The Spirit of Intimacy by Sobonfu Somé and The Goddess
Bootcamp by Kagiso Msimango.
The Goddess Bootcamp is a book you literally have to dive into and do
the exercises after each chapter. You have to go within and bare your soul to
yourself. I physically reached a deadlock on page 60 when I was asked to write down 25
reasons why it is great to be a woman. Msimango gets to the jugular in terms of
what our societal conditioning has done to diminish the worth of the feminine.
Until I was asked that question I had no idea how much militant feminism was
brewing inside myself.
That simple question gave me the opportunity to look inside and address the unexpressed anger I harboured towards being born a woman. I had no idea that I had feelings of inferiority or regrets based upon my gender. Masimango had me revisiting the story of Eve in the bible and I was instructed to draw up a list of all the beliefs and conclusions I had drawn up about myself and women in general as a result of her story.
I couldn't believe all the negativity that poured out of me. I explored how Eve being a temptress made me feel like a seductress too. If I was created out of only one of Adam's ribs then I am denigrated to subservience. I am a second rate citizen. As Eve took the brunt of blame for humanity's sin, so I felt shameful. The fact that Eve was made to suffer for her sins by having painful periods and childbirth made me angry that I was condemned to womanhood, and made to suffer for her indiscretions. I resented my femininity. I remembered how in puberty I resented growing breasts and starting my periods. I considered being a woman a curse.
Then I began the second part of the exercise. I had to write down the positives to Eve's story.
I initially wrote in capitals NOTHING!!! I feel so worthless and defeated.
But then a softening began to develop and I confessed to liking that I am a free thinker. I am not controlled by fear or by what other people think. As I focused on Eve's positive traits I began to glow with pride that Eve was a leader, not a follower. She obviously was charming, attractive and persuasive. She had a way with words and was a good sales woman, magnetic and believable. What I love about her is she has a mind of her own. She was brave and adventurous and an 'outside of the box' kind of thinker and that made me proud to be a woman. Suddenly I was glowing with self-worth and self-respect and love flowed right back in where fear, anger and hatred had smothered her eternal light.
Kagiso's book opened the door to a dark layer of
unlove that lay within me shrouding my most valuable asset which is LOVE. As I removed the barriers that stood in the way of me living my truth, I
awoke to the knowledge that I needed to forgive myself for hating an aspect of me. How enlightening it is to face each new day and each new challenge as an opportunity to forgive my past and
step into my power which is the knowledge of who I am. I am a beautiful aspect of Divine light. My expression is in feminine form and feminine is not wrong or right. It just is. Feminine and masculine exist because of and to serve one another. They are equal and opposite sides of the same coin. How beautiful to be reminded of the knowledge that I am exactly who and what I am meant to be.
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