How brave are any of us to admit our shortcomings? How honest are we with ourselves in noticing and admitting our behaviour?
We are quick to point out the faults in others but never seem to see those same faults in ourselves. Why is it that we judge others' sins because they sin differently to us? It is because we are so devious in hiding the truth from ourselves. We see what we want to see and that is that we are perfect and innocent and we project the blame onto others. By focusing on others we create a buffer so that we don't have to confront and stir up the muck in ourselves.
We love to jump onto the self-righteous band wagon and team together and knock the murderers, the rapists, the liars, the cheats, the greedy and the racists.
But we need to step off our self-righteous platforms of pseudo perfectionism and climb down onto the level playing fields and be truthful with ourselves. Are we not all being catapulted along by our ravenous capitalistic greed? Are we not all hoarders of more stuff than we need? Do we not lie and deceive others in order to get ahead? It may be in withholding information, so that we can pip someone to the post and clinch that deal. It may be not disclosing the price we paid for an item, so that we can make an indecent profit.
We point our fingers at the scamsters and those who accept and pay bribes, but don't we do the self same things? We justify our indiscretions by fooling ourselves into believing that what we have done is so slight and so minuscule that it won't hurt anyone. Do you think as most of us do that to steal a person's life savings is so much worse than stealing some of the boss's time? Do you consider killing a person a worse crime than killing a snake?
I was chatting to a friend of mine, who happens to be a black woman, the other day when she related a conversation she had had with her son. Something prompted her to say: "That's not a very black thing to do." and her son quickly admonished her, saying: "Mom, that's racist!"
I then squared myself up to my friend and looked her straight in the eyes and said: "I am a racist. In fact we all are."
You see, it is only when we are honest with ourselves and we look behind the mask we show the world, that we start to notice that we are everything we ever accused anyone else of being.
I confess I am a racist. I have judged people by the colour of their skin. I have judged people by their sexuality and their nationality. I have judged others for being different to myself. But as I confess this I am aware of a shift that is happening within myself. I am becoming conscious and I am not proud of my behaviour. I realise that I was once acting unconsciously because I feared other peoples' otherness.
Judging others is steeped in fear. It is the fear that their being different to me might cause them to not tolerate me. It is the fear that perhaps I am not good enough and I need to wear a mask so people don't see my imperfections.
As I confront my fear I am able to say: "I am a racist. I don't like that realisation. It makes me feel shameful and everything I despise in others.
It is a relief to engage fully in the proverbial mirror and confess my shortcomings - to realise that I am no different to anyone else.
I am sorry for my judgements. I am sorry for my unconscious behaviour up until now. And being sorry, I access compassion for myself and I forgive myself for the blindness of my conditioned behaviour.
I know that having alerted myself to my unconscious behaviour that I am going to catch myself as and when that old pattern emerges until it eventually disappears.
Wishing you a week of heartfelt love
Nicolette
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