LOVE IS BRAVE

Today I am pondering this elusive thing called ‘love’.

I struggle to find words to define it. It is as difficult to quantify as it is to grasp and hold onto. I am so often inspired by love. But, the pursuit of it is addictive and wears me down as my ego becomes defined by it. When I am not fully aware and conscious, my ego causes me to have all forms of expectations and hidden agendas which will most assuredly lead to disappointment and cause the deepest level of suffering.  And yet I am left wanting.

I want more than anything to open my heart in absolute trust, to make myself wholly vulnerable, completely at the mercy of another. I desire to dispense with fear and to love openly and honesty. I want to throw off the armouring over my heart that has been worn like a protective shield, so afraid of being hurt, so guarded, that I have to confess, I have blocked myself from the full experience I took birth for.

To surrender to the unknowing and uncertainty of whatever the experience will present me with, is to place myself at the mercy of another. It takes great courage, vulnerability and humility to bravely open to receive, trusting that my Spirit cannot be hurt. It takes a huge step of faith to allow myself to feel worthy and deserving. I have always been more comfortable and in my power as the one doing the giving. I have always felt safe as the giver, but too fearful and guarded to receive. Ouch! This is a huge realisation and self-confession.

I admonish myself my humanness and my sensitivity. I forgive myself my wavering uncertainty. It is one thing to talk the talk. It is an entirely different thing to dive into unchartered waters, where no man has gone. I know the teaching. I am a believer that true unselfish, unconditional love cannot hurt me. The only thing that risks being hurt is my self-seeking ego because of its unreal fantasies and ideals.

 

I want to love wholeheartedly and fearlessly without holding back. I wish to unfetter myself of the shackles and shuttering which have held my heart in tight bondage all these fifty three years. I want to let go of my conditioned patterns and the beliefs of others that shroud my natural, inquisitive authenticity.

Today I am putting my ego to the side and placing all my trust in Spirit/ God.

I cannot hold back another millisecond. I don’t want to waste another minute. I don’t want to risk wasting a lifetime.

Today I divest myself of doubt and mistrust, like unwanted garments because I am taking a chance on real LOVE.

Have the most beautiful week, dear soul.

Love from the open heart

Nicolette