I have been pondering about whether it is necessary to voice one's feelings when you're upset or whether you should be able to express them inwardly, working them to a place of comfort, by exposing the ego to its games. Well I found my answers in 'Honest to God', by co authors Neale Donald Walsch and Brad Blanton.
The book deals with brutal honesty and is quite an eye opener for most of us who have been so carefully conditioned by our upbringings that we scarcely know when we are being truthful and when we're not. Our religions have taught us to be nice, tactful and politically correct at whatever the cost. The problem with that is that as you smile through gritted teeth the anger goes inward and hence causes illness to self, suppressed righteousness and unforgiveness or frustration due to obedience to a moral dictate.
I was reasoning with myself that I should be able to work through any resistance to external factors because that is caused by my perception that I am right and others are wrong. If I don't impose any feeling of righteousness or set expectations I can't be offended or hurt, can I?
Brad Blanton disagrees. He says it is vital to speak 'your truth' because that is all it is. We need to open up and confess what thoughts, emotions or information we are holding within because by withholding our feelings and thoughts we are lying. We are lying to ourselves and to others.
If you feel cross then you need to be cross and communicate this instead of playing the 'I'm so Fine and I'm Mrs Nice' DVD. If we wear the 'Mr Nice' label because that is the right thing to do, then we are lying to our authentic selves. We are not being true.
Feelings are the language of the soul and therefore need to be given expression.
It is of vital importance to spit it all out and not have fear about whether it offends or hurts or is uncomfortable for the other. You must say it and you must stick around until you have worked the truth into a place of understanding and comfort. That's the growth part.
How often do we witness people venting their pent up rage, having suppressed it for way too long; and after they have spat out all their fury or confessions they pack their bags and leave? It's the staying and working through the resultant emotions that is the important part. We need to be able to hurt someone with the truth and then stick with them and work it out together. You see that is |LOVE.
The reason people don't have intimacy in their relationships is because they're lying to one another. Humanity is seriously challenged because they are so conditioned to lie and deceive one another. Our politicians do it. Our parents do it. Our teachers are doing it. Everyone is doing it. We all lie. We lie to others and we lie to ourselves. We are so used to doing it that we don't even perceive we are doing it anymore.
We think we are being spiritually evolved by denying feelings of anger, jealousy, resentment, etc. We don't realise that we are lying to ourselves. We convince ourselves that we only tell white lies because we want to protect others from suffering. We choose to withhold truth because it is our way of not having to be accountable for the assured meltdown of another. But the real reason we hide from the truth is fear and fear is the suppression of love.
We spend our lives making people promise to be honest with us because of an inherent lack of honesty within ourselves. If we want to trust others then it is time to become trustworthy and honest with ourselves.
I now realise if I want to reach my soul then I need to open up and release all my repressed feelings. I need to shed the baggage I've been storing so that LOVE can fill me up. I need to speak up and be brave in my confrontations and work through them until I access my peace.
If you want to find LOVE and if you crave intimacy in your relationships then you need to be 100% honest!
Start admitting what you're thinking or feeling to yourself and others. Stop making promises to others that you'll keep their secrets. Become an open book and watch your confidence and happiness blossom.
Enjoy your week ahead!
lots of love
Nicolette
Thank you so very much for this. It's as if God has confirmed my feelings!
ReplyDeleteIt's a pleasure. We need to release ourselves from years of denial, repression and conditioning in order to open ourselves to change. It is all thanks to writers like Neale Donald Walsch and Brad Blanton as well as others like yourself for sharing and causing all of us to grow.
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