With or Without You

U2’s ‘With or Without You’ was playing on the radio yesterday and the lyrics really caught my attention. I had a moment to reflect on the craziness of relationship and how it can take you to a place that feels as real as lying on a bed of nails or as treacherous as enduring the worst kind of storm. It has the power to leave you feeling bruised or as though your hands are tied. Nothing can take you to the highest of highs and then rip your heart out and reduce you to the lowest of lows like relationship can.

When the chorus played: “I can’t live with or without you.” I found myself questioning the paradox. Bono belts out: “You give it all, but I want more.”

Isn’t it ironical that at the outset of a relationship we seem to be wired for failure? We have such high expectations of one another with our relentless neediness. If we were to stand back and observe our unconscious behaviour we would be astounded.

Relationship is rather like observing two people who are arm wrestling. It is not apparent who is doing the pushing and who is doing the resisting. The two opposing forces just nullify each other. So, both parties become paralysed, both with hands tied, unable to move, unable to live with the other, unable to live without the other.

It is my belief that these entanglements are caused by people who don’t love themselves. They search for others to complete them, fulfil them and make them happy because they aren’t inwardly happy or content.

When we operate from this space of neediness we play cat and mouse with each other. We are always waiting for the other to make the first move or for the other to reciprocate our generosity. 

Oh, how we give our power away. We set ourselves up for disappointment time and again with our expectations and desired outcomes, unable to allow ourselves to go with the enchanting flow of the moment.

In our need to control we are unable to find happiness and all expectation of love disintegrates.

The lyrics invite us “and you give yourself away, and you give yourself away, nothing left to lose…”

We fight and fight and fight against the flow until hanging on is just way too exhausting and we finally surrender with nothing left to lose only to discover that in giving up the fight we have gained absolute freedom.

The sublime irony is that there never actually was anything to lose. What we resisted and pushed against was just a figment of our imaginations and an absolute nothingness.

How much energy do you waste over nothing? Do you cause yourself untold self-manifested stress and suffering?

Guaranteed – You are the clog in your relationship.  Let go of needing to have things ‘your way’ and I bet you’ll start manifesting greater enjoyment, spontaneity and fun.

Have a fabulous week!

Love

Nicolette