Mother-in-law

The dreaded word!

The single person who has so much suspicion and negativity stacked against her.
Why is it that Mothers-in-law have the worst possible track record?

There are plants named after her that have sharp sword-like leaves.
Mothers-in-law are frequently associated with meddling, interfering, emotional blackmail, dividing families and so it goes on.

I was blessed with a Mother-in-law who was an angel I'm quite sure.

My mother-in-law never took sides. I always felt her support because she was fair and unbiased. 'Mom' as I was blessed to call her was always there for me. She was 100 % available to babysit at the drop of a hat. Nothing was ever too much trouble for her. She always had a genuine concern for others, for their needs and their welfare. She had a knack of making you feel welcome and special. She was 'Mom' and 'Granny' to more than just her family. She was a true giver and when you gave her anything she made you feel that your gift was absolutely appreciated.

It's funny how life's greatest treasures are often only discovered and really appreciated when they are gone. Mom departed from this realm six years ago and one of my favourite memories of her was in her hour of need when she could scarcely breathe. Her cancer had completely taken over her lungs. Chris and I had taken her for a chest x-ray and since we had to wait our turn we had found a wheelchair for Mom because she was too weak to stand. I had sat myself down on the stairway so that I could be close to her and on the same level, 'eye-to-eye'. Mom fussed over me, still every bit the mother hen, and chided "Don't sit there on the cold floor. You will get piles."

I was astounded that even though she was at her lowest and her physical body was giving up on her, her concern was not for herself but for me. She never lost herself in a fight for survival. She had a calmness and complete acceptance of her situation which amazes me to this day.

I wasn't always trusting and giving and fair to 'Mom'. I had my reservations and judgements. I oftentimes spoilt our relationship with my fears and my separateness. I would focus on how I had been brought up and how different my ways were to her ways of doing things. I focused on my otherness and individuality, my stubborn need to do things 'my way'. I would be impatient with Mom when she phoned, but she persisted in calling and offering her caring. I didn't realise the sacrifice, nor the self-driven determination on her part to keep the channels of communication open between us. I didn't appreciate the effort she put in to include and support and nurture me.

Hindsight is such a valuable tool. Now that I have a grandson,  the wheel of life has turned. I have become my Mother-in-law. Well, let's just clarify that. I wish to be everything my Mother-in-law was for me. I want to be there for my grandson's Mommy. I want for her to feel comfortable and safe with any of her concerns, safe knowing that she can trust me. I want for both of my future daughters-in-law to be just like daughters to me. I want them to know that I don't judge them. I love them and care for them just as my own. I want for them to feel safe and loved and cared for and that nothing will ever be too much to ask.

Mom has been one of my greatest role models. She was humble, kind, charitable and loving. And she has inspired me to be the best I can possibly be.

So, if you have a mother-in-law that you value, send her this mail and tell her how much you love and appreciate her.

Strong families make for strong communities, strong countries and an empowered world.

Bless you this week!

all my love
Nicolette