GO DEEPER

How often I find myself skirting over issues, applying a quick fix or rationalising a problem and putting a band aid over it. I assume the issue is sorted. But is it?

A wise shaman told me that sometimes it is necessary to retrieve the past sufferance of long ago, to unpack it and allow oneself to mourn. Sometimes it is necessary because the tears are embedded and stuck and have no way of being brought to the surface. 

I don’t know about you, but I tend to be the person who looks for quick solutions. I forgive quickly and move on, denying myself any form of grieving or self-pity. I am pretty much an impatient, instant gratification type of woman.

The shaman warned me that there are many layers to forgiveness. 

We start with the outer layer, but soon it becomes evident as time passes that there are deeper layers to address. 

We need to learn to trust again. We need to allow a certain time to grieve. We need to be patient and allow the feelings of sadness, loss, regret or of disappointment to wash through us. We need to honour ourselves with loving tenderness and kindness.

Crying I am learning is such a necessary part of the healing process. It is a very important criteria in detoxifying, cleansing and purifying the body, mind and soul. Having a good cry releases certain hormones like serotonin and lowers the pulse rate. As a result, we are afforded the space to assess our situation with renewed calm, through fresh eyes, as it were. 

So, today I am going deeper. I know there is still work to be done, and will be until my dying day. It is my intention to dig out the old wounds, ones I don’t even remember. I intend to uncover the scars that are creating blockages that prevent me from accessing my full capacity to love unconditionally. My adult self will embrace my small child self and comfort her as she cries.

I don’t know what the process will reveal, but I am making it my intention to allow it to unfold as it is meant to. I am going to see what shows up and take it from there. 

I have been warned that it will take time. I need to allow myself time to remember. I know the greatest challenge I face is going to be the act of sitting, not doing, but just listening. 

Anyhow, I have decided to drop my tough girl mask, and journey to the depths in humility and compassion. 

I forgive myself today for my ignorance and innocence that denied me the space and time to grieve at the appropriate time.

So, I know what I am doing this week. What are you up to? Whatever it is, may you be blessed.

All my love

Nicolette