Entertaining Emo

I sit in a place of receptivity as I listen for Spirit's guide. What is it that Spirit wants for me to share with you today?

I know this, that what I share comes from a place of truth and honesty.

I have been wrestling lately with entanglement with my emotions. I discerned an inner need to invite my emotions to visit and meet with me personally, in order to fully grow and connect with my higher self. This is quite a scary decision, given that I have worn a mask of super control for the last 50 years. You have to know that for reasons unknown to me, I was unable to cry or feel compassion for myself, in fact I was in denial that I had any feelings other than happiness, courage, faith, bravery, determination, etc ,that is until anger visited upon my doorstep and introduced himself to me. I kind of didn't want to admit that I could even entertain such a wild and volatile guest. I had nothing in common with anger. What would we talk about? How could I relate? I have never known  anger, hatred, depression, unhappiness, frustration.... Oops, maybe frustration, yes and a bit of intolerance. Oh, yes to that too.

As I spoke with anger I started to realise that anger has many faces and as I peered through the eyes of anger, the more faces I started to recognise. Resentment, judgement, victim, control, fear, fury, impatience, and so I could go on. Beneath my calm facade I detected layers upon layers of different faces, different emotions that had been secreted away. I started to recognise that all these faces are a part of who I am. They are all choices which are freely available to me. Because I had judged all these emotions as bad, I feared entertaining them lest I should appear weak and so I forcibly repressed them inwardly beneath my lid of cultivated control. What did I fear? I was in fear of these emotions taking control of me. I feared that by allowing them to manifest and present their case to me that I would become their slave and that I would lose my freedom.

So very slowly I braved it and delved within. I entertained sadness and hurt. I put them on and wore them to feel how they felt. I traded my happy shoes with depression's ball and chain and got dragged down to the lowest of lows. I dined with resentment and grief, despair and rage. My body was starting to feel completely shattered, rather like the feeling one gets after an extreme roller coaster ride. So great was the onslaught of so many diverse feelings all at once, that I began to feel an anxietous knot at my core.

What if I can never get back? What if I have become a slave to these dark and ominous feelings? The thoughts of terror were huge and all encompassing.

All these visitors had drained away my life force energy. I felt exhausted and imprisoned, completely powerless. I lay down for a sleep and journeyed back in time with my emotions revisiting the scrapbooks of my youth.

As I emerged from my dreams I became aware that I was protected by a presence deep within me. Behind the fracas of the house guests I had entertained, still remained the pure calm essence of who I am. Love spoke to me and assured me that I had freedom of choice. "Emotions aren't real" they told me. "They are perceptions. They are our navigation tools to help guide us to the choices we have the freedom to make." Wow! I sat up with a sensation deep within the pit of my stomach as I felt a smile begin to erupt from that place. I felt power returning to my limbs and, with just a thought, peace, serenity and happiness flowed right back into my midst.

I was overjoyed that I had remembered my truth, my power that resides within me and the freedom to choose my destiny.

You see fear is just a tourniquet that halts the eternal flow of love and in the stoppage of this powerful life force our emotions arise to alert us to the breach in our life support system. The weaker the flow of love, the greater the emotions of panic, chaos, hatred and depression become. Our emotions are not who we are. They are our indicators which serve to warn us how close or how far we are from love.

Having gone on a journey with my emotions, I now feel hugely sensitised, rather wiser and definitely empowered by the knowledge that my emotions are but a thought away. I shall now pay greater attention to what I am feeling as I now know that my feelings are fine tuning me to a more balanced experience of who I am.

From a newly converted emo

I wish you a wonderful week

love
Nicolette