Hold me/Put me down/leave me Alone

Hold me, put me down, leave me alone... Funny how if we think about it , we all live our lives in this perpetual cycle.

First we started out as an infant, craving and needing the human touch and assurance of our parents. Then we became a toddler, needing to be put down so we could touch, feel and taste our fascinating worlds around us. Then as we gained confidence we rebelled from our fearful parents' over protective hawk eyes and started to explore our space by ourselves. We wanted to express our independence and explore our separateness, our egos. "Mine, mine, mine!" was the order of the day only to be countered by the sudden realisation that we were alone and the subsequent retreat to the security of our parents' comforting embrace.

There are seasons in our lives when we crave and need to be held and protected, to feel safe in the arms of our loved ones, and then there are times when we want to be let free to explore our horizons and grow.

Teenagers are a wonderful example of a mixture of these feelings. They want to break free of the shackles of their parents, and 'leave me alone' becomes their shout as they assert their independence as young adults, trying to find their identities. Yet at the same time, the 'hold me tight' needs to be met by the love and understanding from their peers.

Is it therefore a surprise that we continually move in and out of these three cycles of needing reinforcement and affirming, to wanting our freedom to explore and space for solitude?

According to Desmond Morris, in his book 'Intimate Behaviour', this is perfectly normal behaviour for adults as well and the sooner we accept this, the sooner we'll let go of fear when our partner starts to pull away from us in order to journey along the path of self discovery and spiritual growth.

A growing distance between partners is not a signal for alarm. It is a completely natural occurrence for all of us. We all alternate periods of greater intimacy with periods of greater distance. It is rather like the ebb and flow of the ocean. Just because the ocean recedes away from the shore line, isn't a signal for panic. We know with assurity that the tide will come flowing back in. And in the case of a tsunami when it recedes very far out, just know it is coming back in with great vengeance. It's part of our checks and balances.

A growing distance can be part of a cycle that returns to redefine a relationship in a new way that can surpass the intimacy that existed before.

Change is such an important part of our interactions with others. Often when we think we have lost something from our relationship or fear that we are losing our loved ones, a transformation occurs and yes, perhaps our relationship may shift from one of intense passion to one of seeing the other as a separate individual, with faults and weaknesses, like ourselves, but it is at this amazing pivotal point that we can really commit to the growth of the other which is the ultimate act of true love.

In much the same way as we discovered that our parents weren't perfect, when the tide washed back in we redefined our relationship with them as equals, as friends. And so it is with our life partners, after the honeymoon phase has run its course, we explore our parameters and return to a deeper knowing and understanding of each other. How perfect is that.

I'm sure if we had been taught this wise lesson a long time ago, there'd be far fewer relationship breakups and a lot more trusting and acceptance and a deeper respect for one another.

So whether you find yourself being swept out to sea in the backwash or caught in the swirl of an eddy or swept up in the mightiest wave about to crash onto the shore, just know that you're exactly where you're meant to be and that you will repeat this cycle endlessly until you breathe your last breath.

I just love life and all its precious lessons, don't you?

Have an awesome week

love
Nicolette