Thanks Muriel

I wish to thank Muriel for pointing me, with the outstretched arms of an earth angel, in the direction of my predestined path. In response to my letter, titled, ‘I’m an Addict’ posted on 18 July 2011, in which I shared about my sugar addiction and the resultant self imposed denial thereof out of fear of being controlled by my out-of-control insatiable desire for as long as I can remember, Muriel sent me an article by Geneen Roth, which suggested that I make space for this addiction and allow myself to have as much of the forbidden foods as it would take for me to get my fill and satisfy my cravings. This is quite a scary consideration, when you know the nature of the obsessive beast we’re talking about.

So, to cut a long story short, I went out and bought all manner of sweets: jelly babies, liquorice, white rabbits, butterscotch and placed a bowl in our lounge, where anyone could freely help themselves whenever they liked without scrutiny or judgement. Each day I would refill the bowl and gloriously, free of guilt, tuck in whenever I felt the urge. I then progressed to making raw chocolates and consuming them in a couple of days with the help of Dylan, my youngest son. I started baking rusks and consumed those too at a vigorous rate.

I was really beginning to love my new found freedom, freedom from self-judgement, freedom from guilt, freedom to have a beer or two without the angel of Fear rearing his angry head.

Slowly, slowly I started to feel the tingle and niggling reminders of my past allergic responses to my body’s invasion by foreign substances.

My left armpit swelled up with a painful lump, my nasal passages had became stuffy and congested, my mouth began erupting in cold sores and white sores, my tongue was coated in candida, my body was covered in raised allergic bumps, my eyes had dark rings underneath, my weight had escalated and I now had a layer of blubber around my middle area which made me feel like I had a constant suffocating life vest around my midriff. I was feeling tired and lethargic.

Dylan commented to me that he needed to lay off the sweets for a while because he was plagued by constant white sores. The cracks were starting to appear.

I started to pine for my pain free, lovely body I had taken for granted. I had forgotten how nice it felt to wake up every morning without stiff joints and feeling alive. I hadn’t appreciated being able to breathe clearly until my nose became clogged with allergic mucous. I longed for my sleek smooth skin instead of my newly acquired dry, itchy, rashy skin. My dark ringed eyes reminded me of what it feels like to have torn the ring out of it the night before. The pressure on my sinuses made me long for this heavy mask to be lifted off my face.

Was I enjoying the food stuffs so much that the resultant suffering was worthwhile?

“No”, my body was screaming! “Release me!” “You’re hurting me!”

So, I have come to my newly empowered senses and without any feelings of incrimination or stupidity, I decide to choose healthy, energy providing foods. I have a new sense of freedom, freedom of choice. I am not denied anything.

My paradigm shift has happened and I now only want the foods that make me well, strong , healthy and happy. I will no longer feel denied or deprived because I have the choice. I am empowered by the process of having allowed myself to go over the edge and experience the short lived pleasure.

But after a week or so of eating real good, healthy food again, it feels amazing to wake up each day feeling alive and ready to conquer the world!

So thank you, my angel Muriel, for your empowering lesson.

“What we resist, persists”, When we let go and surrender the balance will find itself.

My wish for you, precious soul, is that you too become the master of your own choices

Yours in love

Nicolette