I Wrote a Letter to my Love

How often do we push the pause button of our lives and take the time to really connect with the special people in our lives and I don't mean: say a little prayer or have a thought of gratitude or smile inwardly. What I'm getting at is this.... When do we stop the wheels of life from turning and actually make a special point of telling the person/s in our lives how much they mean to us, how much we appreciate them and how much we'd miss them if they were no longer around.

Well, today I am stopping the clock to write a letter to my dear husband. This is the man who has stood by me for the past 25 years, has been my dedicated companion and lover, the father of our two sons, my helper and my Mr Fix-it guy.

"Dearest Christopher


How lucky am I that my angels brought me all the way from Cape Town to Johannesburg for a friend's wedding where I met you. I have met many a wonderful person along the way on life's journey, but none that stood out for me with all of your amazing qualities. You truly are a special gem that I discovered, one I will treasure and hold onto as long as we have breath. I could have had the choice of many a suitor, but I chose YOU!


You are the man for me!


I remember writing a list of the traits that attracted me to you when we were engaged to be married. The qualities that stood out for me then and topped my list were your kindness, your generosity, loyalty and caring. You are still that kind, generous person that I met 25 years ago. You are a dedicated husband and father, always preferring to come home to us, rather than spending time with your friends.


I have always loved the way you look after your stuff, the way you tidy up and put things in their place. You have taught me the value of keeping my way tidy and uncluttered. It is an invaluable tool for someone who is as A.D.D. as myself.


I love that you can fix almost anything. Who needs a handyman when they have a husband like you. I remember when we travelled to Durban on our first weekend away together and the fan belt broke on your Dad's car. My moment of fear was quickly extinguished when you whipped out a spare fan belt and had us back on the road within minutes.


I love that you have taken an active roll in the parenting of Calvin and Dylan. Whenever they hurt themselves, you were quick to comfort them. You are always the practical, calm parent when there's been blood and trauma. I'm the panicked parent running around getting the bandages and phoning the emergency numbers.


You are an amazing organiser which works for me with my sometimes scattered energy.
You have your feet firmly planted in the Earth which serves as my anchor when I am levitating. I love your lists and your organisational skills which you have taught me.


I love that you can cook an entire meal and still leave the kitchen in a pristine condition unlike myself who has every soiled pot and utensil piled high in the sinks.

You are a wonderful provider for your family, providing us with more than our needs.


You have a 'think things through' approach to life which fascinates me because I experience life by voicing and verbalising and refining my beliefs as I go along. You will think about and mull over what you want to say, where I will just put it out there like an artist slapping paint on a canvas. Once it's out I will then tone it down or change the impression completely if it doesn't work for me. I see you as an expeditionist where I am an artist.


You like to control life from without, by instilling order, discipline and control in the world around you. I on the other hand go within to access my inner calm and order from the quiet space of my spirit.


We are a completely complimentary couple and I love that.


You are a caring, compassionate, devoted and loyal companion. I know that I would miss you dearly if you were to choose another life for yourself. We do not own each other's hearts, but are together because it is our choice and has been for 25 years. I do not wish to take you for granted and that is why I want you to know just how much I love you and appreciate all that you do and all that you are.


I am truly blessed to have a husband like you who loves me for who I am, who has learnt to accept the things he cannot change in me and who allows me space to express myself and have my interests and hobbies that are different to yours.


It is amazing to have your trust as I give you mine, to do things that give us meaning in our lives without feelings of guilt. It has always served us to do what makes us happy individually so that we can be contented and happy when we're together.


Thank you for choosing me and for the last 25 years we have grown together. I cherish the time we still have together and the lessons we still have to learn.


with all my love


Nicolette"


So, if it resonates with you, how about writing someone you love a love letter. I'm amazed how much clarity and wonderful traits I discovered, having taken the time to write them all down.

Until next week

Nicolette

Thanks Muriel

I wish to thank Muriel for pointing me, with the outstretched arms of an earth angel, in the direction of my predestined path. In response to my letter, titled, ‘I’m an Addict’ posted on 18 July 2011, in which I shared about my sugar addiction and the resultant self imposed denial thereof out of fear of being controlled by my out-of-control insatiable desire for as long as I can remember, Muriel sent me an article by Geneen Roth, which suggested that I make space for this addiction and allow myself to have as much of the forbidden foods as it would take for me to get my fill and satisfy my cravings. This is quite a scary consideration, when you know the nature of the obsessive beast we’re talking about.

So, to cut a long story short, I went out and bought all manner of sweets: jelly babies, liquorice, white rabbits, butterscotch and placed a bowl in our lounge, where anyone could freely help themselves whenever they liked without scrutiny or judgement. Each day I would refill the bowl and gloriously, free of guilt, tuck in whenever I felt the urge. I then progressed to making raw chocolates and consuming them in a couple of days with the help of Dylan, my youngest son. I started baking rusks and consumed those too at a vigorous rate.

I was really beginning to love my new found freedom, freedom from self-judgement, freedom from guilt, freedom to have a beer or two without the angel of Fear rearing his angry head.

Slowly, slowly I started to feel the tingle and niggling reminders of my past allergic responses to my body’s invasion by foreign substances.

My left armpit swelled up with a painful lump, my nasal passages had became stuffy and congested, my mouth began erupting in cold sores and white sores, my tongue was coated in candida, my body was covered in raised allergic bumps, my eyes had dark rings underneath, my weight had escalated and I now had a layer of blubber around my middle area which made me feel like I had a constant suffocating life vest around my midriff. I was feeling tired and lethargic.

Dylan commented to me that he needed to lay off the sweets for a while because he was plagued by constant white sores. The cracks were starting to appear.

I started to pine for my pain free, lovely body I had taken for granted. I had forgotten how nice it felt to wake up every morning without stiff joints and feeling alive. I hadn’t appreciated being able to breathe clearly until my nose became clogged with allergic mucous. I longed for my sleek smooth skin instead of my newly acquired dry, itchy, rashy skin. My dark ringed eyes reminded me of what it feels like to have torn the ring out of it the night before. The pressure on my sinuses made me long for this heavy mask to be lifted off my face.

Was I enjoying the food stuffs so much that the resultant suffering was worthwhile?

“No”, my body was screaming! “Release me!” “You’re hurting me!”

So, I have come to my newly empowered senses and without any feelings of incrimination or stupidity, I decide to choose healthy, energy providing foods. I have a new sense of freedom, freedom of choice. I am not denied anything.

My paradigm shift has happened and I now only want the foods that make me well, strong , healthy and happy. I will no longer feel denied or deprived because I have the choice. I am empowered by the process of having allowed myself to go over the edge and experience the short lived pleasure.

But after a week or so of eating real good, healthy food again, it feels amazing to wake up each day feeling alive and ready to conquer the world!

So thank you, my angel Muriel, for your empowering lesson.

“What we resist, persists”, When we let go and surrender the balance will find itself.

My wish for you, precious soul, is that you too become the master of your own choices

Yours in love

Nicolette

Give Yourself the Gift of Time

When was the last time you you lay on your back and looked for pictures in the clouds?
When's the last time you belted it out in the shower?
When's the last time you took an iced biscuit and split it in half and licked all the icing off the one side?
When did you last spin around like a top until you fell to the ground all giddy?
When is the last time you decored an orange and sucked all of its juicy contents until the skin broke?
When's the last time you spoke gobbildy gook?
When is the last time you laughed until the tears ran down your cheeks?
When was the last time you went walking or dancing in the rain without shoes on?
When was the last time you got out of the swimming pool and lay on the warm pool surround until the sun dried you off?
When did you last watch the birds building their little nests?
When's the last time you threw yourself into a pile of leaves?
When's the last time you rolled down a hill like a sausage roll?
When's the last time you hung upside down off the couch and observed the world upside down?
When is the last time you had a water fight, or a cream fight or a mud bath?
When is the last time you played with your food instead of swallowing it whole?

I was just wondering!

I took some time out the other day and climbed into the hammock my oldest son, Calvin, had erected. Calvin had observed me building my meditation garden and decided to create a quiet space of his own in another corner of our garden beneath our Mulberry tree.

Well, there I was, all wrapped up in the hammock with a bunch of grapes in my lap. I was hungrily gulping down the grapes one by one until I crunched on the first seed which was quite bitter and I thought for a moment how I always chew and swallow them, because I have heard that they hold so much nutrition. I then in my new found 'guilt-free zone', decided to spit out the next few pips and this turned into quite a game, seeing how far I could project each pip. I then remembered how as a child I'd love to break the grape in half and then suck out the contents of each half, spewing out pips and discarding the remaining empty skins. I was becoming very creative and started peeling off the bitter skin with my teeth and nibbling it until all that was left was a perfect sweet sphere. I'd pop the juicy ball into my mouth and see how long I could resist before sinking my teeth into its juicy flesh.

I was lost in virtual heaven and I don't know how much time passed. However I can say that I really savoured and enjoyed the experience of eating those grapes. I really tasted the bitter and the sweet. It was a game and I was totally self absorbed. How self indulgent can some of life's simplest activities be? I was totally present and felt completely relaxed and refreshed.

I find I get a similar kind of feeling from washing dishes and getting my hands in the warm soapy water. For me it's always been a kind of meditation. It's something I want to take my time over and not be rushed.

Aren't we all swept up in this hurricane paced world, without the time of day to enjoy life's richest pleasures? Aren't we missing out on tasting, feeling, smelling and sensing every step of our journeys by hastening to the finishing line? Aren't we going to get to a ripe old age and realise that we can't turn back the clock? It's too late! We can't shrink our kids and go back and play with them. We can't PVR our lives and go back to a stage we glossed over so that we can really get more out of it. We've only got this one chance and it is today! It is right now!

So, I am putting this challenge to you. How about finding ways of doing things differently, turning chores into fun. Hand watering the garden instead of letting the sprinklers do it for you. Next time the heavens open, instead of dashing for cover, walk in the rain and savour the alive feeling of the water droplets pulsating on your skin. Open your mouth and taste the water straight from the clouds.

I can't wait for the rain!

Whose coming dancing with me in the rain?

Give yourself, dear friend, the most treasured gift of time
because you're worth it and you deserve the best life has to give
and it's free!

until next week

Nicolette

Out with the Old

Spring has sprung and the trees are bursting with little shoots of green. The birds are busy building little homes and doing their flattering dances. Walking through the suburbs this morning, my nose was seduced by nature's perfumery. All of nature seems abuzz with life and abundant energy.

Isn't it fascinating how we are all seduced by the opportunity to have a fresh start, to forget about our yesterdays and focus on creating a new improved, more positive future for ourselves?

It's a time of discarding and sloughing off old stuff that doesn't serve us any more. How often do we notice the feel-good emotions of spring cleaning, whether it is in the garden, our cupboards or ourselves?

Well, I don't know about you, but I have been a very busy bee in my garden for the past couple of weeks. I seem to have shifted mountains of soil, pruned bags full of dead branches and leaves, replanted many a plant that has burst its pot or been crying for a new spot in the garden. I've been composting and top soiling and fertilising and trying to ply the earth with as many nutrients as possible to encourage new life and growth.

I haven't as yet tackled my cupboards, but in due course I will try on my entire summer wardrobe and shed what doesn't work for me any more and that of which I have grown tired. If I haven't worn something in the last two years then I'm not likely to wear it in the near future. Discard, donate, recycle!

However, the thing which is tugging at my conscience, is this: my soul feels like it needs a spring clean. I really feel like I need to let go of a bunch of stored information, whether that is conscious or unconscious. I feel the need to express and unleash some negativity, some anger, a whole dollop of old conditioning, sadness, preconceived ideas that no longer serve me and a bunch more.

It rather feels like when we are catching a ride in the lift at the local shopping centre and the door opens on the floor at which we wish to exit. But before we have the opportunity to navigate our way to the door, a whole bunch of keen shoppers squash themselves in, causing those of us, wishing to vacate to stagnate.

Ha, ha... That's exactly what I'm feeling like right now. If I don't get rid of all this old baggage, firstly I'll stagnate and secondly there is no room for new ideas. The lift is full to capacity.

So right now, as I go within and observe the status quo, all is not so calm and peaceful and ready for the surge of fresh ideas with spring. I am feeling an intense need to purge myself of my old habits, my old thinking, some past undealt with issues and even some stuff that I don't even know exists. Does that make any sense?

I feel as though I need to have a good cleansing cry, to open the floodgates and wash out all the old debris that is stagnating my soul and restricting my growth.

So here's to looking deep inside ourselves, evaluating our old beliefs and honouring them for the lessons they brought and then allowing them to wash right through and out of us, making space for the innovative and the explorative.

After all it is the season of:"out with the old and in with the new!"

Embrace your spring cleaning in body, mind and soul!
Have a good cry, a quiet meditation or a physical workout, whatever you need to clear out the cobwebs, set new intentions and honour yourself.

until next week

lots of love
Nicolette