Do You feel like Popcorn?

Do you ever feel like a piece of popcorn? I often do. I so often find myself pondering the path I have come and wondering whether on God’s earth I could ever go back to being what I once was. It’s kind of like trying to cram that screaming baby back into your womb or becoming a reborn virgin again or minimising the freshly popped popcorn and stuffing it back into its little kernel. Oops! Too late, she cried...

My husband, Chris, asked me the other night when I was going to become soft again and this started me on a train of thought. “Can I become soft again? What has happened along my path that has made me hard?

What a lot of roles we play. First the innocent child, then the teenager, the carefree lover, the student, the employee, perhaps the fiance, the spouse, the parent, perhaps the self-employed, the friend, the confidante, soul mate, counsellor, nurse, handyman.

How good are you at flitting between roles? Are you able to duck and dive into your changing roles with ease?

I battle with this. Lately I have been project managing the building at my home. It is really quite astounding how someone like myself, with no prior knowledge of the building trade, has to single handedly take on the all-male work force and steer them along the path of construction. On numerous occasions, I find myself telling the professionals what they should be doing without my direction and when they ask me how, I have to find a way of advising them when I have no knowledge of the process. I seem to have to draw on some divine sense of logic.

I find myself having to leap out of the construction hat and put on my teacher hat to train a client in the correct usage of their stabilising muscles, then put on my taxi driver hat, followed by my Mommy hat to help with homework, then it’s back to the construction hat followed by the cook hat and the wife hat and Oh my God! Who am I?

I feel a bit like that matching game we used to play as kids, where you have to match the correct head to the torso and legs. I feel like the legs of the trainer, the torso of the wife and the head of the site manager. I seriously get all mixed up. I can’t even remember whether I am Martha or Arthur...

So, I am wondering whether it is possible to become all soft and demure again. It sounds like a tall order. I have to get up and get out there and make things happen. Can I do this and at the same time be soft?

It’s a bit of a tough question being asked when you are going to become soft again, a question that begs the answer: “Yes, tomorrow at 5 o’clock!"
 
Don’t we all have the tendency to become stressed by our human doings, then come home and take it out on our loved ones?

I find myself beating around the bush here, because all eyes are on me and I am trying to be tough and not buckle under the strain and yet I face the challenge of trying to fit back into my wifely/motherly clothes.

I know the transformation has to begin with myself, because everyone is expecting me to continue to act as strictly as I have been acting and therefore they are now pre-empting my actions and buffering themselves against the old batttleaxe.

I guess I have to change my paradigm. All shift happens in the mind first. I need to perceive myself as soft and gentle and loving, as a comforter and nurturer. I have to embrace my femininity allowing my feminine energy to resurface ( I have spent a large amount of time in my masculine energy of late). I need to spend time in nature, feel the true essence of who I am. I am not masculine or feminine. I am both. However my masculine energy has unbalanced my feminine energy. I am Spirit and I am divine and I am LOVE.

I am going to spend the next week centring myself, breathing, meditating on calming thoughts and activities. This is my week to re find my centre, the centre of the popped popcorn. And even though I won’t be able to jam myself back into the hard kernel. I still hold the memory of my pre-popped state, so it is still part of who I am.

So I bid you a fond farewell from a frazzled piece of popcorn

And wish you a week of being in balance

All my love

Nicolette