Stone Faced

Hello beautiful soul

Expressing our emotions is not something we do very well. We have been deeply conditioned into repressing our feelings behind our stone faced masks. But, when we reach our threshold we generally pop our lids as we rant and scream in a reactive, uncontrolled and undignified way.

Identifying and expressing your feelings is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

For this week’s inspiration I thought I would do something completely different and share with you one of my audio recordings from my FORGIVENESS Workshops. This workshop titled ‘Emotions’ is given to you with love. Make yourself a nice cuppa, click here, sit back and enjoy.

To order any of my other workshops just click here.

Have a beautiful week honouring yourself as you tune into your feelings.

All my love

Nicolette

I’m a Creep

I was inspired by Kimberley Nicole’s (one of the competitors in ‘The Voice’) song choice on Friday night. She heart wrenchingly sang: “I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. I don’t belong here…” and it is a theme I can so identify with. It reminds me of a conversation I once had with a client of mine about the ‘imposter syndrome’.

How many of us hide our imperfect thoughts about ourselves behind a veneer of self-confidence and faked strength? How often do we jealously regard another person who seems so self-assured and has it all? 

We marinate in our fears and darkest thoughts as we put ourselves down and suppress our highest intentions. And then we wear the mask that fools the world, so afraid that others might see our flawed natures. We point the finger at others and try and divert the attention to their weakness, the very weakness that is in us.

How we get in the way of ourselves… How we limit our experience by playing small…

It is nowhere more evident than when you witness a group of people who are drowning out their pain in an alcohol induced semi-coma. How often do those hidden truths find the path of least resistance and come blurting to the surface, causing a ripple of shock waves among the unsuspecting audience.

You see we bottle and bottle our feelings of worthlessness, our unmet expectations and disappointments. We harbour our regrets at not being good enough or of being a disappointment to our parents, partners or children. We regard ourselves lower than everyone else around us. But what we forget is that everyone else is in this shared predicament. It is the predicament we took birth for.

We came here to Earth to experience ourselves with the gravity of a physical body and that in itself is scary. Our mortality is party to a list of fears and insecurities. But what we all forget is that we all have to go through this. It is common to us all. Some of us just play the game of pretend better than others. It is those who fake it best that most often use their masquerade as a manipulative power tool to lord it over those who are paralysed by their fears.

Our fears and the manipulation of them is our common challenge. If we allow ourselves to investigate our insecurities and weigh our fears, it causes us to seek the real. And as we face our mortality the playing fields are levelled and we become humble.  

Humility is a great strength, one to be esteemed. It is the greatest reward.

So, I say remember your vulnerability. 

Remember your worst fears and your unworthiness because it is that which makes you GREAT.

Have an awesome week!

I love you.

Nicolette

What is your Fighting Style?

The book I am savouring at the moment, Embracing the Beloved, by Stephen and Ondrea Levine is challenging me to see that even though I try and keep the peace and avoid confrontation I have my own way of doing war.

There are two methods of fighting – aggression and passive aggression. Someone I have always held in high regard is Mahatma Gandhi, who is renowned for the ‘passive resistance’ he practiced. During an interview Gandi said, “There is nothing passive about our resistance. It’s just non-violent.”

You see some of us go out there with clenched fists and lashing tongues, whilst others of us submerge our unfinished business behind clenched teeth, and in our stoic attempts to be tactful, considerate or unhurtful, we silently brew in our anger of omission as we withhold positive compliments, and withdraw from our relationships by constructing invisible, but very tangible walls. 

With our cold indifference we cause sufferance to our persecutors by shutting off the flow of love to them. We allow them to just ‘hang’ for longer than is kind and we manipulate them as we play with their emotions. Passive aggression is aggression in the most devious form.

This residual holding of our anger, resentment and hurt causes our internal chemistry to turn acid. As we suppress the urge to inflict physical harm the war goes on within. The depth charge is set in place as we begin the self-destruct.

Now, I am not advocating that we all go out there and beat our adversaries to a pulp, or murder them with our tongues, but thoughts and feelings are energy and negative energy has to be channelled or transformed or it will cause massive destruction.

If passive aggression is your style of fighting then it is most likely caused by your fear of retaliation. The reason you withhold your tongue is not because you are keeping the peace or being more spiritual, it is merely a foil for your guerrilla warfare.

The way to put an end to the warring is to start noticing how unloving we are with our thoughts and feelings. Catch yourself as you send out missiles of self-righteous judgement, defiance and rage. Don’t suppress those feelings by sending them underground. Allow them to speak to you. Sit with them. Notice your enraged feelings and the desire to see your adversary suffer. Notice how it makes your blood boil.

“Smiling doesn’t always mean you’re happy.

Sometimes it is concealing your anger.”

You need to invite your anger with mercy, compassion and forgiveness. You need to find it in your heart to forgive yourself your frustration and bitterness, for punishing yourself with your self-sabotaging aggression.  

When you can find compassion for yourself you can transform your passive aggression into active compassion, compassion for yourself and compassion for your adversary.

We need to see past our unconscious behaviour, ours and theirs. We need to be able to look into the eyes of our adversaries and see the Beloved. We need to see in each other a fragile soul whose only goal is to be happy and avoid suffering, just like ourselves.

We need to see God in each other.

Have a truly peaceful week!

Love

Nicolette