I’m a Creep

I was inspired by Kimberley Nicole’s (one of the competitors in ‘The Voice’) song choice on Friday night. She heart wrenchingly sang: “I’m a creep. I’m a weirdo. I don’t belong here…” and it is a theme I can so identify with. It reminds me of a conversation I once had with a client of mine about the ‘imposter syndrome’.

How many of us hide our imperfect thoughts about ourselves behind a veneer of self-confidence and faked strength? How often do we jealously regard another person who seems so self-assured and has it all? 

We marinate in our fears and darkest thoughts as we put ourselves down and suppress our highest intentions. And then we wear the mask that fools the world, so afraid that others might see our flawed natures. We point the finger at others and try and divert the attention to their weakness, the very weakness that is in us.

How we get in the way of ourselves… How we limit our experience by playing small…

It is nowhere more evident than when you witness a group of people who are drowning out their pain in an alcohol induced semi-coma. How often do those hidden truths find the path of least resistance and come blurting to the surface, causing a ripple of shock waves among the unsuspecting audience.

You see we bottle and bottle our feelings of worthlessness, our unmet expectations and disappointments. We harbour our regrets at not being good enough or of being a disappointment to our parents, partners or children. We regard ourselves lower than everyone else around us. But what we forget is that everyone else is in this shared predicament. It is the predicament we took birth for.

We came here to Earth to experience ourselves with the gravity of a physical body and that in itself is scary. Our mortality is party to a list of fears and insecurities. But what we all forget is that we all have to go through this. It is common to us all. Some of us just play the game of pretend better than others. It is those who fake it best that most often use their masquerade as a manipulative power tool to lord it over those who are paralysed by their fears.

Our fears and the manipulation of them is our common challenge. If we allow ourselves to investigate our insecurities and weigh our fears, it causes us to seek the real. And as we face our mortality the playing fields are levelled and we become humble.  

Humility is a great strength, one to be esteemed. It is the greatest reward.

So, I say remember your vulnerability. 

Remember your worst fears and your unworthiness because it is that which makes you GREAT.

Have an awesome week!

I love you.

Nicolette