Are you a relationship sabotager? Do you place land mines and rat traps all over the place to continually corrode your relationships?
Here's the thing I just observed.
We often manipulate and create war zones just because we feel like experiencing some pain or challenge. We have an itch that needs to be scratched. We feel the need to rock the boat. Why lie back, enjoying the peace of floating on still waters when we can stir things up a little and create a storm.
I don't know about you, but I have started to notice how Chris and I, when we are communicating, drop traps all over the place to trip each other up, and I'll qualify this in just a moment.
We'll be discussing or debating something and it's always from our personal point of view. Let's face it, everything we experience in this current life is controlled by our accumulated experiences thus far. Perhaps we are only open to seeing things from the perspective and life experiences we hold. It is rather challenging to try and imagine an experience we haven't yet lived through, isn't it? We seem to base all our future learning on what we have already learnt. So I ask you: "What new things will we ever experience if every new experience has to be referenced to something in our pasts?" "For something to be understood, does it have to have been processed before?"
We really are a strange and predictable bunch of beings, so encased in our specific self created realities. It is no wonder that we need divine intervention to stir things up for us from time to time, to throw our lives around a little, causing us to be thrown outside our comfortable little boxes. It is only when we get to see all of our stuff strewn about on the pavement that we really get to observe what we're all about. It is at these priceless moments that we get to choose whether we want to cram all the padding and stuffing back into the box with ourselves and continue on just as we were before the life changing event, or whether we choose to pick up some new pearls of wisdom and package those in with ourselves.
I have started noticing that when we speak to one another, we are often programmed to hear the answers that we have formulated for ourselves, the ones that match our reality. I'll give you some examples.
Chris might ask me to do something that he perceives is going to meet with resistance. So already his resistance is starting to build in anticipation. The question may go as as follows: "Nicolette, I know your answer is going to be no, but do you think...." or "We've been invited to ......,but I know you don't like xyz..." You see these are rat traps. They are not questions. They are statements that cause the other to go for the bait. They don't even justify an answer, because we've just been told what our answer is. We haven't been asked for our two cents worth. It's basically a red flag.
It's as though we are having the conversation in our own heads. The only difference is that we are speaking our thoughts and intentions out aloud to an audience. Now unless you're completely conscious and free of ego, you will most likely find yourself going for the bait and jumping in to defend yourself and getting rather messy in the ensuing battle of wills. The resultant battle will go something like "you're always so negative", "No, I'm not", "But, I never said that" "You didn't have to. I know you. You're always..."
Does it sound familiar?
Didn't we attract the fight by the thoughts and intentions we held before we opened our mouths to speak? Why do we place little landmines all over our conversations to trip up our partners and attract them to battle? Perhaps it is our way of exposing our negative feelings in an attempt to rid ourselves of them, hoping that they will be destroyed in the mighty explosion of our own creation. Maybe our inner sense of unease is just too terrible to live with, so we try and fob it off on those closest.
I was just wondering...Is it just me or is it a familiar role play for all of us?
For me, it is a reminder to continually die to my past every second and stop trying to second guess the future, rather allowing it to unfold as it is meant.
Let's believe in miracles. Let's believe in us, all of humanity, being able to experience life from outside our boxes, from another's point of view.
I wish you a week of awakened consciousness and avoidance of land mines and rat traps.
Ha, ha, ha....Laugh! It's great for you.
love
Nicolette
Monday, 4 June 2012
Monday, 28 May 2012
My Deepest Fear
Because I am paying greater attention and because I am consciously practising more patience now, I am more easily able to hear the answers to my questions.
My question: "Why do I find it so hard to have compassion for those whom I perceive to be unwilling to help themselves?" and "Why do these particular people seem to epitomise the matador with the red flag, challenging me to charge and confront?"
It's funny what a bit of reflection can produce. No sooner had I written the first question down, did the first answer jump out at me.
Who am I to say that these people are not willing to help themselves. That is my judgemental perception. Perhaps they are just in the dark with this particular impediment as we all are with our particular foibles. We can so easily see where others miss opportunities, but invariably we don't see our own missed opportunities.
On digging deeper, I find myself exposing 'My deepest Fear'.
Oh my Gosh! I am so terrified of ever becoming dependent, needy, clingy, helpless, that I have bound these fears up so tight and buried them deep within my facade of capability and independence and strength, blah, blah, blah...
Oh my word. How these things will continue to resurface and confront us until we awaken and look into the proverbial mirror and see the very thing we are terrified of acknowledging. Why didn't I see it before? Because I didn't want to consider myself as weak and terrified of anything. Wow! I have just exposed my deepest, darkest fear and that is terrifying.
So I ask myself: "What is the worst that could happen to me?"
Answer: "I could land up in a wheelchair and have to depend on others"
Question: "How would I handle having to depend on others?"
Answer: "With patience and gratitude and humility"
Question: "Would having to depend on others affect who I am?"
Answer: "Absolutely not. I am still me, spirit. If my earth suit malfunctions, it doesn't affect my soul. I would obviously have to adapt to different lifestyle choices. I would follow the path that then opened up for me. But would I give up? Would I become pathetic? No."
Question: "Am I still scared?"
Answer: "Not so much."
Question: "How does my new found discovery change my view of the above?"
Answer: "I don't need to stare at my weakness any more when I encounter a challenged person, because I have exposed it and it has diminished now. I am no longer controlled by fear. I no longer see the needy as manipulative, but rather as humble, patient and grateful."
Having confronted my fear, it already seems to be losing its power over me. There is absolutely nothing to fear except 'fear' itself. Actually my fear was more of the unknown and now that it is exposed it seems rather as if I had allowed myself to be controlled by a deception. Isn't it funny how when we try and resist something or hide it, it becomes a festering boil that wants to rupture and force its way to the surface.
Wow! I learnt so much from that little exercise of patience and reflection.
If we don't address our fears and root them out, they control us and they grow out of proportion.
We need to continually remind ourselves that we are much, much more than our physical experiences. We are the teacher/ observer/ spirit/ consciousness that prevails in the midst of all the fracas and chaos we sometimes create for ourselves.
Well, my reflection for awakened meditation this week will be to continue to remind myself that:
I am more than I appear to be
I am spirit
I am love
I draw from my bottomless well of love
And in the midst of all this 'love consciousness', fear evaporates
I am empowered by knowledge
I am free from silly attachments to feelings of fear, which don't exist except in my imagination as a suggestion of my ego.
I embrace consciousness and all it exposes
In deep gratitude and humility
I bid you an enlightened week
love
Nicolette
My question: "Why do I find it so hard to have compassion for those whom I perceive to be unwilling to help themselves?" and "Why do these particular people seem to epitomise the matador with the red flag, challenging me to charge and confront?"
It's funny what a bit of reflection can produce. No sooner had I written the first question down, did the first answer jump out at me.
Who am I to say that these people are not willing to help themselves. That is my judgemental perception. Perhaps they are just in the dark with this particular impediment as we all are with our particular foibles. We can so easily see where others miss opportunities, but invariably we don't see our own missed opportunities.
On digging deeper, I find myself exposing 'My deepest Fear'.
Oh my Gosh! I am so terrified of ever becoming dependent, needy, clingy, helpless, that I have bound these fears up so tight and buried them deep within my facade of capability and independence and strength, blah, blah, blah...
Oh my word. How these things will continue to resurface and confront us until we awaken and look into the proverbial mirror and see the very thing we are terrified of acknowledging. Why didn't I see it before? Because I didn't want to consider myself as weak and terrified of anything. Wow! I have just exposed my deepest, darkest fear and that is terrifying.
So I ask myself: "What is the worst that could happen to me?"
Answer: "I could land up in a wheelchair and have to depend on others"
Question: "How would I handle having to depend on others?"
Answer: "With patience and gratitude and humility"
Question: "Would having to depend on others affect who I am?"
Answer: "Absolutely not. I am still me, spirit. If my earth suit malfunctions, it doesn't affect my soul. I would obviously have to adapt to different lifestyle choices. I would follow the path that then opened up for me. But would I give up? Would I become pathetic? No."
Question: "Am I still scared?"
Answer: "Not so much."
Question: "How does my new found discovery change my view of the above?"
Answer: "I don't need to stare at my weakness any more when I encounter a challenged person, because I have exposed it and it has diminished now. I am no longer controlled by fear. I no longer see the needy as manipulative, but rather as humble, patient and grateful."
Having confronted my fear, it already seems to be losing its power over me. There is absolutely nothing to fear except 'fear' itself. Actually my fear was more of the unknown and now that it is exposed it seems rather as if I had allowed myself to be controlled by a deception. Isn't it funny how when we try and resist something or hide it, it becomes a festering boil that wants to rupture and force its way to the surface.
Wow! I learnt so much from that little exercise of patience and reflection.
If we don't address our fears and root them out, they control us and they grow out of proportion.
We need to continually remind ourselves that we are much, much more than our physical experiences. We are the teacher/ observer/ spirit/ consciousness that prevails in the midst of all the fracas and chaos we sometimes create for ourselves.
Well, my reflection for awakened meditation this week will be to continue to remind myself that:
I am more than I appear to be
I am spirit
I am love
I draw from my bottomless well of love
And in the midst of all this 'love consciousness', fear evaporates
I am empowered by knowledge
I am free from silly attachments to feelings of fear, which don't exist except in my imagination as a suggestion of my ego.
I embrace consciousness and all it exposes
In deep gratitude and humility
I bid you an enlightened week
love
Nicolette
Monday, 21 May 2012
My Downfall
Today I recognised one of my Achilles heels, so to speak. I have been receiving messages about this particular irksome quality for quite some time and really, really not taking heed of the signs, even though I am a great believer in signs and messages from nature, even billboards and especially our friends and family.
A week ago I was listening to the playback on my digital voice recorder and discovered a message I recorded more than a year ago. The message was: "Why is patience so important? Because it makes you pay attention."
I can't even remember the source of that quote, but something must have resonated with me, for me to have recorded the message.
Now today I arrived rather agitated at a client's house, because the security guard had ignored me as I waited impatiently outside on the street until he deemed it appropriate to handle my request to be let in. On relaying the story to Stacey, I was tactfully informed that I am rather impatient and as is typical of a modern-minded, city person, I want results and I want them now. I couldn't argue the point, as I am guilty as charged and her comment which was completely honest caused me to pay attention.
After spending some wonderful time catching up and lunching with my friend, Nianell, I picked up a book I had lent her some time ago, and opening it at a random place, I read Osho's words from 'Yoga The Science of the Soul', "Yoga says that the more you are impatient, the more time will be needed for your transformation. The more you are in a hurry, the more you will be delayed."
O.k. NOW, universe, you have MY ATTENTION!
Osho goes on to say: "The less you are in a hurry, the earlier will be the results. This very moment the thing can happen because it is not a question of time; it is a question of the quality of your mind. Infinite patience... Simply not hankering for results gives you much depth. Hurry makes you shallow... You have to drop into it, not to reach anywhere. And the dropping in is possible only if you are totally patient. The modern mind is constantly obsessed with the future, with the result, not with the here and now. Wherever you are, in that moment enjoy it without asking for the future. This is patience, absolute patience!"
Well, I don't know about you, but I am always dancing somewhere between overly excited about the future and in fear of running out of time to do all that I still have to do. I seem to most often be "asking for the future" as Osho puts it, instead of really being fully present in the now. I constantly find myself rushing the present because there are perceived more important issues to be addressed at a time, that as of now, doesn't exist except in my imagination.
I am rushing the present and producing inferior quality instead of slowing down and sinking into my presence and finding the stillness and depth of my being.
On examination of the statistics, I find myself trying to be the dancer, instead of allowing life to dance me. I am so busy looking for opportunities to help people, that I probably run them over in my haste.
I am now laughing at myself and the absurdity of the above statement which is not a joke at all.
I am listening now. I am still. I am paying attention and I know that the universe will now highlight for me every opportunity to notice myself when I repeatedly fall prey to this pattern and I will most likely start to observe the pattern in those around me as I have become sensitised to this lesson.
My dance for this week is patience and surrender, because I believe the two go hand-in-hand. And as I know myself so well, the lesson is going to be: To have patience with myself, for not getting it right the first time around. Ha, ha, ha...
Wishing you a week of hearing your messages and surrendering to your highest will.
love
Nicolette
.
There is no time like the NOW.
A week ago I was listening to the playback on my digital voice recorder and discovered a message I recorded more than a year ago. The message was: "Why is patience so important? Because it makes you pay attention."
I can't even remember the source of that quote, but something must have resonated with me, for me to have recorded the message.
Now today I arrived rather agitated at a client's house, because the security guard had ignored me as I waited impatiently outside on the street until he deemed it appropriate to handle my request to be let in. On relaying the story to Stacey, I was tactfully informed that I am rather impatient and as is typical of a modern-minded, city person, I want results and I want them now. I couldn't argue the point, as I am guilty as charged and her comment which was completely honest caused me to pay attention.
After spending some wonderful time catching up and lunching with my friend, Nianell, I picked up a book I had lent her some time ago, and opening it at a random place, I read Osho's words from 'Yoga The Science of the Soul', "Yoga says that the more you are impatient, the more time will be needed for your transformation. The more you are in a hurry, the more you will be delayed."
O.k. NOW, universe, you have MY ATTENTION!
Osho goes on to say: "The less you are in a hurry, the earlier will be the results. This very moment the thing can happen because it is not a question of time; it is a question of the quality of your mind. Infinite patience... Simply not hankering for results gives you much depth. Hurry makes you shallow... You have to drop into it, not to reach anywhere. And the dropping in is possible only if you are totally patient. The modern mind is constantly obsessed with the future, with the result, not with the here and now. Wherever you are, in that moment enjoy it without asking for the future. This is patience, absolute patience!"
Well, I don't know about you, but I am always dancing somewhere between overly excited about the future and in fear of running out of time to do all that I still have to do. I seem to most often be "asking for the future" as Osho puts it, instead of really being fully present in the now. I constantly find myself rushing the present because there are perceived more important issues to be addressed at a time, that as of now, doesn't exist except in my imagination.
I am rushing the present and producing inferior quality instead of slowing down and sinking into my presence and finding the stillness and depth of my being.
On examination of the statistics, I find myself trying to be the dancer, instead of allowing life to dance me. I am so busy looking for opportunities to help people, that I probably run them over in my haste.
I am now laughing at myself and the absurdity of the above statement which is not a joke at all.
I am listening now. I am still. I am paying attention and I know that the universe will now highlight for me every opportunity to notice myself when I repeatedly fall prey to this pattern and I will most likely start to observe the pattern in those around me as I have become sensitised to this lesson.
My dance for this week is patience and surrender, because I believe the two go hand-in-hand. And as I know myself so well, the lesson is going to be: To have patience with myself, for not getting it right the first time around. Ha, ha, ha...
Wishing you a week of hearing your messages and surrendering to your highest will.
love
Nicolette
.
There is no time like the NOW.
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