My Deepest Fear

Because I am paying greater attention and because I am consciously practising more patience now, I am more easily able to hear the answers to my questions.

My question: "Why do I find it so hard to have compassion for those whom I perceive to be unwilling to help themselves?" and "Why do these particular people seem to epitomise the matador with the red flag, challenging me to charge and confront?"

It's funny what a bit of reflection can produce. No sooner had I written the first question down, did the first answer jump out at me.

Who am I to say that these people are not willing to help themselves. That is my judgemental perception. Perhaps they are just in the dark with this particular impediment as we all are with our particular foibles. We can so easily see where others miss opportunities, but invariably we don't see our own missed opportunities.

On digging deeper, I find myself exposing 'My deepest Fear'.

Oh my Gosh! I am so terrified of ever becoming dependent, needy, clingy, helpless, that I have bound these fears up so tight and buried them deep within my facade of capability and independence and strength, blah, blah, blah...

Oh my word. How these things will continue to resurface and confront us until we awaken and look into the proverbial mirror and see the very thing we are terrified of acknowledging. Why didn't I see it before? Because I didn't want to consider myself as weak and terrified of anything. Wow! I have just exposed my deepest, darkest fear and that is terrifying.

So I ask myself: "What is the worst that could happen to me?"
Answer: "I could land up in a wheelchair and have to depend on others"
Question: "How would I handle having to depend on others?"
Answer: "With patience and gratitude and humility"
Question: "Would having to depend on others affect who I am?"
Answer: "Absolutely not. I am still me, spirit. If my earth suit malfunctions, it doesn't affect my soul. I would obviously have to adapt to different lifestyle choices. I would follow the path that then opened up for me. But would I give up? Would I become pathetic? No."
Question: "Am I still scared?"
Answer: "Not so much."
Question: "How does my new found discovery change my view of the above?"
Answer: "I don't need to stare at my weakness any more when I encounter a challenged person, because I have exposed it and it has diminished now. I am no longer controlled by fear. I no longer see the needy as manipulative, but rather as humble, patient and grateful."

Having confronted my fear, it already seems to be losing its power over me. There is absolutely nothing to fear except 'fear' itself. Actually my fear was more of the unknown and now that it is exposed it seems rather as if I had allowed myself to be controlled by a deception. Isn't it funny how when we try and resist something or hide it, it becomes a festering boil that wants to rupture and force its way to the surface.

Wow! I learnt so much from that little exercise of patience and reflection.
If we don't address our fears and root them out, they control us and they grow out of proportion.
We need to continually remind ourselves that we are much, much more than our physical experiences. We are the teacher/ observer/ spirit/ consciousness that prevails in the midst of all the fracas and chaos we sometimes create for ourselves.

Well, my reflection for awakened meditation this week will be to continue to remind myself that:
I am more than I appear to be
I am spirit
I am love
I draw from my bottomless well of love
And in the midst of all this 'love consciousness', fear evaporates
I am empowered by knowledge
I am free from silly attachments to feelings of fear, which don't exist except in my imagination as a suggestion of my ego.
I embrace consciousness and all it exposes

In deep gratitude and humility
I bid you an enlightened week

love
Nicolette