As a contributor for the quarterly e-mag, 'Singles in the City' (SITC), I was pondering about what material I wanted to share with the readers this coming quarter.
Rewind, rewind...
I tried to put myself back in my singles shoes, which was a quarter of a century ago and the thing that came to the forefront for me was dating and finding the right mate.
Fast forward, fast forward...
The weddings, the vows and happy promises, I will, I do, Forever, forever, 'til death do us part... Blissful times of believing in happily ever afters. Ours will be perfect, ours will make it, our love will never change...
Fast fwd, fast fwd...
I'm now revisiting my first friends going through their ever so painful divorces. My selfish feelings are of loss, loss of our little bubble of friends, having to choose sides and mixed loyalties. Broken relationships, broken chains, broken support groups, loss of safety...
Fear, anger, hatred, denial, blaming, finger pointing from the respective parties, followed by intensive partying, searching and hunting for the perfect mate...
At this stage I remember feeling intensely jealous of all the fun, freedom, lack of routine and frivolity my newly single friends were having, whilst I was sticking piously to my routine of keeping fort, making meals, fetching and carrying kids, helping with homework, etc. Whilst I was grocery shopping, my single friends were out wining and dining and buying sexy underwear and shoes. Whilst I was disciplining whining kids, they were having wicked weekends away whilst their kids were at the ex. Not fair?
.
I think what I'm trying to say is this:" Why are we always obsessing about what we don't have instead of loving what we've got."
My marriage is not perfect, it is good because we (my husband and I) work at it relentlessly, our sons are wonderful young men, but they have their testosterone shouting matches and bad hair days almost daily, just like all of us do. I am happy because I choose to be happy by focusing on my blessings.
Do you know that feelings of fear or unforgiveness cannot operate at the same time in our minds as gratitude. Negativity and positivity operate in different parts of the brain and we apparently cannot have both windows open at the same time, so by consciously choosing to focus on our blessings, we force the window of negative feelings to close.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer sums it up so perfectly. She writes, "The question is not why are we so infrequently the people we really want to be. The question is why do we so infrequently want to be the people we really are?"
Which window have you got open?
Take a moment to reflect on all your wonderful blessings and choose happiness.
I can recommend it!
Have a joyful week, basking in your positive reflections
and remember to tell yourself that you love yourself immensely
love
Nicolette
Monday, 15 August 2011
Tuesday, 9 August 2011
Guilt Free!
Wow! Have I been dancing since we last chatted? Oh yes! And how free of guilt I am feeling. Something has shifted and it feels so amazing.
Have you changed your dance since last week?
Well, you know how we discussed that we have the power to choose another dance at any time in our lives? I have consciously decided to stop being so controlling on my myself. I have let go of the fear of my sugar addiction and have surrendered to my greater truth, trusting and knowing that I am balanced and whole without doing anything.
This weekend, which was a four-day long weekend, I spent so much time in the garden, at home pottering, gardening, watching nice movies, basking in the sun and today walking with friends and lunching at the Botanical Gardens.
How energising it is to spend time in nature!
Nature is so pure. It is consciousness. It just is. How energised we become by just being PRESENT i.e. when we can switch off the nagging computer voice in our heads, that is constantly making judgements, and rather just go with the flow of life.
"In the sky there is no distinction of east or west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true" is a quote I picked up recently.
How awesome it is to not constantly be casting self judgements. How wonderful to enjoy lunch with friends and not have to wrestle with the menu to find something to eat, not have to recreate a dish, but rather just order something as it appears on the menu, knowing that it will not kill me. It was wonderful to not feel bad or guilty or remorseful afterwards, just pure pleasure.
Isn't that how life is meant to feel? Well, if we choose that dance, that is.
I hope you're experimenting choosing other dances and finding your intended outcome. Remember you're in charge of your own destiny.
And you deserve it!
love you
Nicolette
Have you changed your dance since last week?
Well, you know how we discussed that we have the power to choose another dance at any time in our lives? I have consciously decided to stop being so controlling on my myself. I have let go of the fear of my sugar addiction and have surrendered to my greater truth, trusting and knowing that I am balanced and whole without doing anything.
This weekend, which was a four-day long weekend, I spent so much time in the garden, at home pottering, gardening, watching nice movies, basking in the sun and today walking with friends and lunching at the Botanical Gardens.
How energising it is to spend time in nature!
Nature is so pure. It is consciousness. It just is. How energised we become by just being PRESENT i.e. when we can switch off the nagging computer voice in our heads, that is constantly making judgements, and rather just go with the flow of life.
"In the sky there is no distinction of east or west; people create distinctions out of their own minds and then believe them to be true" is a quote I picked up recently.
How awesome it is to not constantly be casting self judgements. How wonderful to enjoy lunch with friends and not have to wrestle with the menu to find something to eat, not have to recreate a dish, but rather just order something as it appears on the menu, knowing that it will not kill me. It was wonderful to not feel bad or guilty or remorseful afterwards, just pure pleasure.
Isn't that how life is meant to feel? Well, if we choose that dance, that is.
I hope you're experimenting choosing other dances and finding your intended outcome. Remember you're in charge of your own destiny.
And you deserve it!
love you
Nicolette
Monday, 1 August 2011
Life is the Dancer
How profound are these words of Eckhart Tolle: "Life is the dancer, we are the dance". It has taken me about three years to really grasp the inner meaning of this statement and to have it resonate from my every cell.
Well, I'm going to at least try and impart the message of significance that it is to me.
I was participating in a Family Constellation yesterday and had been invited to portray 'LIFE'. I keenly assumed the personification of what life represents to me. Life is constantly changing, it never stands still. It happens all around us whilst we stress and resist and make other plans. So you can see why I started to dance and move around the room, much to the amusement of all present. It soon became evident that my dancing without music was making everyone uncomfortable. I, as 'Life', asked others to join me, but no one felt comfortable. Then another person stepped in to take up another facet of 'Life' as the serious side, because it had been suggested that I appeared frivolous,lighthearted and too happy? Perhaps shallow, not spiritual enough???
Anyhow, long story short, when serious 'Life' stepped into the circle everyone felt safe and unthreatened and protected, which got me thinking.
If 'Life' IS the dancer, then what dance are we choosing to dance? Do we choose the dance of pity, fear, anger, hatred, unforgiveness, suspicion, safety or the dance of faith, risk, love, forgiveness, peace, happiness or serenity?
I then had a flashback to Viktor Frankel's, 'Man's Search for Meaning' where he explores three things that gives man the drive and determination to live. He suggests that some of us live for the people in our lives (our loved ones), some live for the purpose of our calling (our work) and yet others of us live for our suffering, because suffering gives us meaning and a purpose.
So, to roll these two thoughts into one, I suddenly awoke to a new truth, my truth, that some of us will never take up the offer to do the dance of happiness, because the dance of meaning for us may be the dance of self-pity or sufferance or even unforgiveness. Even though the switch to another dance is as simple as making the decision. We have become so entangled in our own webs we have woven, that we can't even see that we have followed a path of our own making and that if we just trust and take the first step of faith, we can change our dance, we can choose another dance.
We are the dance. We get to make our choice. Life is the dancer, continuously whirling around us. We may think that we are the one in control, but we're not. Creation happens and destiny happens. Our choices are relative to how we react and participate in the dance. By refusing to dance, we may think that we have control, but we are merely dancing the dance of stubbornness, fear or perhaps anger. However, we are still dancing.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer, in her book, 'The Dance' suggests: "What if it truly doesn't matter what you do but how you do whatever you do? How would this change what you choose to do with your life?... How would this shape your stillness, your movement, your willingness to follow this impulse, to just let go and dance?
One of my most favourite people and singer/song writer, Nianel sings: "This is my moment, I'm taking my chance, Life has invited me, I'm going to DANCE!"
So, I urge you, without self judgement, take up this awesome offer, take the risk and choose a dance, whichever one has meaning for you, but just dance! And when you get tired of the dance you picked, choose another dance, the choices are yours.
Have an awesome week of dancing. Try the sexy tango or a cheeky shuffle. Try a dance of solitude and a wild and crazy Maypole dance. Try them all.
Just dance!
love
Nicolette
Well, I'm going to at least try and impart the message of significance that it is to me.
I was participating in a Family Constellation yesterday and had been invited to portray 'LIFE'. I keenly assumed the personification of what life represents to me. Life is constantly changing, it never stands still. It happens all around us whilst we stress and resist and make other plans. So you can see why I started to dance and move around the room, much to the amusement of all present. It soon became evident that my dancing without music was making everyone uncomfortable. I, as 'Life', asked others to join me, but no one felt comfortable. Then another person stepped in to take up another facet of 'Life' as the serious side, because it had been suggested that I appeared frivolous,lighthearted and too happy? Perhaps shallow, not spiritual enough???
Anyhow, long story short, when serious 'Life' stepped into the circle everyone felt safe and unthreatened and protected, which got me thinking.
If 'Life' IS the dancer, then what dance are we choosing to dance? Do we choose the dance of pity, fear, anger, hatred, unforgiveness, suspicion, safety or the dance of faith, risk, love, forgiveness, peace, happiness or serenity?
I then had a flashback to Viktor Frankel's, 'Man's Search for Meaning' where he explores three things that gives man the drive and determination to live. He suggests that some of us live for the people in our lives (our loved ones), some live for the purpose of our calling (our work) and yet others of us live for our suffering, because suffering gives us meaning and a purpose.
So, to roll these two thoughts into one, I suddenly awoke to a new truth, my truth, that some of us will never take up the offer to do the dance of happiness, because the dance of meaning for us may be the dance of self-pity or sufferance or even unforgiveness. Even though the switch to another dance is as simple as making the decision. We have become so entangled in our own webs we have woven, that we can't even see that we have followed a path of our own making and that if we just trust and take the first step of faith, we can change our dance, we can choose another dance.
We are the dance. We get to make our choice. Life is the dancer, continuously whirling around us. We may think that we are the one in control, but we're not. Creation happens and destiny happens. Our choices are relative to how we react and participate in the dance. By refusing to dance, we may think that we have control, but we are merely dancing the dance of stubbornness, fear or perhaps anger. However, we are still dancing.
Oriah Mountain Dreamer, in her book, 'The Dance' suggests: "What if it truly doesn't matter what you do but how you do whatever you do? How would this change what you choose to do with your life?... How would this shape your stillness, your movement, your willingness to follow this impulse, to just let go and dance?
One of my most favourite people and singer/song writer, Nianel sings: "This is my moment, I'm taking my chance, Life has invited me, I'm going to DANCE!"
So, I urge you, without self judgement, take up this awesome offer, take the risk and choose a dance, whichever one has meaning for you, but just dance! And when you get tired of the dance you picked, choose another dance, the choices are yours.
Have an awesome week of dancing. Try the sexy tango or a cheeky shuffle. Try a dance of solitude and a wild and crazy Maypole dance. Try them all.
Just dance!
love
Nicolette
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