Finding Love

“The greatest risk you will ever take is to be who you are.” 

This is the line that stood out for me in the Cinderella movie I saw yesterday. How many different ways have we heard this self-same message and yet it elusively slips from our grasp?

Marianne Williamson said: “We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.”

I went to Jani Allen’s book launch last week and was mortified to see the corrosion of a formerly larger than life persona. All the controversy and lies that were propagated to poison and mislead the public by money-driven media and greedy politicians were done at her expense. I have been left with the feeling that Jani was the unfortunate dumping ground for all of South Africa’s collective guilt and shame.

Why is honesty such a huge challenge for humanity?

Oriah Mountain Dreamer in ‘The Dance’, asks the questions: “Why are we so infrequently the people we want to be and why do we so infrequently want to be the people we really are?”

I feel such a deep, deep sadness that humanity harbours such feelings of unworthiness.

Are you brave enough to be who you are? Are you honest and humble enough to be unashamedly the person you were born to be? Do you feel you need to improve on the job God did in the first place when He made you? 

If we didn’t spend so much time hiding behind our fears and pretending to be what we’re not, we would have so much more time to enjoy life. We would see in each other the love that we share instead of our unanimous fear of failure.

Other people don’t have better lives than you. They are just wearing masks to fool you into believing that they are perfect. They are just as scared as you of being found wanting. Like you, they feel inadequate and unworthy of being loved just the way they are.

There is only one possible reason we are here on Earth and that is to have the experience of ourselves, our true nature which is unconditional love. The only way we can have this experience is through our interactions with one another. We cannot experience what love is any other way.

So, if we are all searching for this self-same experience - to be loved, accepted, appreciated and understood, then why are we all running around with our masks on?

How can we experience love and know we are being loved for all the right reasons if we continue to wear our masks? Stop pretending, stop hiding and be your authentic self. You will be a lot more believable, vulnerable and lovable and here’s betting the love you are looking for will find you.

“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.”                 Oscar Wilde

Have an unashamedly honest week!

Lots of love

Nicolette

Look at your Roots

Talk to me about xenophobia, racism and corruption. Talk to me about religion, capitalism and education. Talk to me about better control, stronger law enforcement and immigration. Talk to me….

I have just one deep question that is going to shake you to the very roots of your complacent being.

“What is the root cause of our predicaments? What is the fundamental issue?”

Take off your self-righteous coat and all your masks that you show the world. Strip off your pretences that everything is well and good on your side of the fence, the side from which you are throwing stones. Let down your guard. BE VULNERABLE!

Xenophobia is not good. I am speechless and shocked that 2015 years after Christ was butchered on the cross we are still murdering people in cold blood. I am deeply shaken that humanity (if we can still call ourselves that) is still doing this to one another. Why are we not learning from our forefathers’ and mothers’ mistakes?

I will tell you why. It is because we blindly deceive ourselves that what our ancestors did is separate from us. IT IS NOT. Wake up humanity. If there is an ounce of humanness left in your icy blood, wake up and look inside yourselves. Everything that you and I are, is as a result of all the selfish actions and murderous doings of our ancestors (not mine, not yours, but OURS).

Just look at a tree and observe the quality of its fruit. If the fruit is good then the roots are receiving great nourishment from the soil in which it is planted. Poor fruit signals poor quality from the source/the roots. The proof is in our roots.

Don’t hide behind your masks and point fingers at all those crazy people acting cold heartedly. Be courageous and confess your brokenness. Look at your roots. We are ALL in this mess because we are all rooted in our broken pasts. We are not separate from it and we cannot put a Band-Aid over it as we entertain our fantastical notion of separateness.

MY family, MY religion, MY culture, MY Nationality, MY ego….. This is the root we need to rip out. We need to stop our criticisms, judgements, self-righteous beliefs and self-serving thoughts and plunge ourselves into the plights of others as though they were ours. THEY ARE OURS.

I was listening to a caller on 702 last week. She was having her say about why she was ‘pro’ the xenophobic attacks. She was advocating that the government send all the foreigners home.

I LISTENED….

She told her story of poverty and hardship, and about her struggle to survive in the squatter camp where she has endured relentless break-ins, some of which were by immigrants. She spat her rage and frustration at her awful plight, hounded by thieves when she has so little …. And I started to cry. I cried for the helplessness and unfairness of it all. I wept for those who have everything stacked against them as they struggle to bring home barely enough to put food on their table. I ached for the destitute and needy who placed their hopes in the broken promises of a self-serving government that are intent on feathering their own nests. No wonder this lady’s angry. No wonder her absolute desperation, and no wonder, in her fight for survival, her seemingly callous support of xenophobia.

The answer, my friend, is in education, NOT THE EDUCATION of History, Geography, Science and Maths. The education we are all crying for is the ‘How to Love unconditionally and How to Forgive our pasts’. 

Forgiveness and Self-love are teachable skills which are not to be found in any school curriculum.

What an oversight. What we are teaching humanity is not humanity at all. 

Until we learn to love and share in an interconnected way, the whole of humanity is doomed. We cannot plant new seeds in infertile and poisonous soil.

Look at your roots. Therein lies the answer to all our world’s problems.

This week, cut back and prune your roots. Cultivate new beliefs that serve our highest good.

All my love

Nicolette                                                                                                                                                Photo from Black-eyed Peas ‘From Roots to Fruits’ album

PURSUE YOUR DREAMS

FEAR, DOUBT, PANIC, CONFUSION, JOY, PRIDE, HOPE, EXHAUSTION, POWERLESSNESS…

are just some of the roller coaster emotions we experience as parents in the oftentimes scary role we play, guiding and overseeing our children’s growth.

Being a parent in the 21^st Century is rather a hair raising experience. We tend to fear for our children. We want for them what we never had. We quite naturally want to prevent our children suffering and having to find it out the hard way. We want to steer our children onto the ‘right path’. That is exactly why our children invariably ignore our advice. 

How do we know which is the right path for them? We are most likely to advocate the safest path, with the least risks and pitfalls. 

I am of the opinion that our children need to be given the space to find it all out for themselves without our interference and over protective meddling. We can offer advice, but they need to trust their own intuition and follow their hearts, without our overly concerned commentary from the side lines.  

Parents, the world over, have the shared predicament, as we lie awake at night wrestling with our insecurities, wishing for some assurance that our children will make it and that they will be alright.

I remember how exhilarated I felt after writing my first motivational piece about 5 years ago. I had an inner glow of accomplishment and my soul felt alive in a new way. Having shared my writing with my close inner circle of family and friends, I eagerly awaited some positive feedback only to be knocked sideways by some rather harsh criticism. Luckily for me, I put on my tough-girl mask to shield myself from the onslaught. I went into protect mode. I had to. My new found writing had had such a profound catalytic effect on my psyche. I knew instinctively for the first time in my life that this is what I needed to do. I had a dream and a vision to be realised, which no one but me could feel and intuit.

I knew inwardly that I had a contribution to make to society and gratefully I followed my gut, because I am now a self-published author and am about to print my second 1000 books. I give regular talks and workshops and none of this would ever have happened without steadfastly believing in myself and initiating the positive steps to action that I have diligently and stoically taken. My road is not a walk in the park, as it may appear from the side lines. It is a lonely, solo road. I put in hours behind the computer, sometimes burning the midnight oil. I am my own publicity department, creative department, ideas person, teacher, guru, and so on. I have to motivate myself every single day to keep going forward and persevere in the direction of my dreams.

There are days when I wonder if I will get there and if I have missed the plot, but a small inner voice keeps encouraging me to commit to just take one more step.

Yes, there are easier ways of making a living, but working for a boss just wouldn’t cut it for me. Money has never been my prime motivator. Yes, there are times when I think of throwing in the towel and quitting and then some mail will light up my inbox with a testimonial from a reader, sharing how my book, FORGIVENESS – your gift of love to yourself, has helped him/her, and that just gives me the inspiration to continue forging ahead.

DON’T GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS.

Listen to your heart’s desires, the spark that ignites your soul.

Sit with your dreams and strategize how you are going to bring them into reality. It might mean finding a menial job in the interim to pay the bills and fund your night studies.

Research and study your desired field. Learn from your competitors and professionals who have made it. Knowledge is power. You need a solid foundation from which to build your destiny.

Choose bite sized steps you can take in the short and medium term. Choose the first 3 steps which you need to implement and give yourself a time limit.

Keep your list close by as a constant reminder of your goals which need to be actioned.

As soon as the first three action steps are completed, write down the next three and so on.

Have a long term goal, but keep your focus on the immediate, doable steps. Focusing on the end result can feel rather daunting. As long as you are doing the work every day, the big picture will evolve and fall into place.

Work on your dreams relentlessly. Keep taking the next step.

Don’t listen to the doubters along the way. Their negativity will choke you.

Keep your eyes on your path and your goal in your mind’s eye.

GOOD LUCK! YOU CAN MAKE IT!

Have a fantastic week.

Lots of love

Nicolette

GOOD SHEEP BAD SHEEP

Some would say I am too analytical, and too much of a thinker. Perhaps I am deep and it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. But, here’s my question: “If you don’t think about the way things are, how are you going to change anything? If you don’t question the way things are done, then surely you will continue to create the same mess you are in?” 

Albert Einstein says: “We can’t solve our problems with the same thinking we used to create them.”

Yes, I am a thinker and yes, I do question everything. I always have. I was the kid in class who always had my hand up. If my teacher taught the class a new concept I always wanted to have proof that it was the absolute truth. I have never been a very good sheep. I need to know why we use this and that ratio to calculate a certain equation. I need to understand the reasoning so I can expand on that. Just because society has always done it that way is not enough of a reason to blindly continue. I want to know who implemented those beliefs or structures and I want to explore the possibility of doing things differently.

When I was in grade 7 (that’s what it is called nowadays), there was a click of popular girls in my grade who were doing the rounds on the playground telling a joke. Everyone on the playground would huddle around the leader, as she told her amusing story. Drawn to the contagious shrieks of laughter and not wishing to be left out, I joined the group and begged to be let in on the joke.

The ring leader told her story and as she climatically finished her tale the group once again exploded into hysterical laughter. The problem though was that I wasn’t laughing. I didn’t understand what was funny and I asked for someone to explain the joke to me. Without an explanation, the group fell about laughing once more. I really felt a bit of a tool because clearly I was the only one who couldn’t make sense of the joke. Then the ring leader confessed that the joke wasn’t a joke after all. It was merely a test to see how many sheep were on the playground. And do you know that all the so-called ‘cool’ people had been caught. They had all laughed because they were so scared of looking stupid.

And so, the moral of the story which has stood by me all these years is: “Don’t believe everything you are told. Question everything that doesn’t resonate with you.”

I am so glad I am a thinker. And Mike Varrie, if you have read this blog to the end, let me know if there is anything that doesn’t resonate with you. I love being made to think.

Be a bad sheep. Ask questions. Look for solutions and demand to know why. Our society needs more thinkers and problem solvers and less sheep. And if you are now thinking drop me a line and let me know.

Have a great week

Love from the heart

Nicolette