Lover

Being the eve of Valentine's day, I thought it appropriate to debate whether 'romantic love' still has a place in society today.

We all know that romantic love is to unconditional love what ego is to the true self.

Romantic love is an illusion. It is steeped in all kinds of expectations of what our lovers are doing for us. It's all about giving and taking. With romantic love there always seems to be the expectation of cut flowers and dates and candlelight dinners and lots of caressing and kissing and tantric love making. There seem to be so very many expectations of expensive gifts and lots of effort in planning and staging the perfect event. We set ourselves up for failure time and again, because we are pursuing an impossible illusion, one of perfection. We need the perfect sunset, the perfect meal, the perfect gift, the perfect love making and then we will know that we are loved and appreciated and we'll feel whole and loved equally in return. Oops!

How often do we hear people complaining that their partner is not romantic any more, because the act they put on to entice them in the first place, has become an impossible chore to sustain.

Why do we continue to buy into the Hollywood fantasy of fake love, when all we need do is go within, go deeper and source our bottomless well of self love. This love is divine. This love is unconditional and not needing anything to grow it or complete it. It is more than enough and the more we access it the more it is replenished. It never runs out.

I cringe with embarrassment when I remember back to my first year of marriage and on hearing my husband, Chris' desire to take up golf, I literally shut him down with my response that there was no way he was going to play golf all day and turn me into a sporting widow. How insecure and clingy and dependant I was way back then.

It has taken quite some years to arrive at the place where I now find myself contented and whole within. In fact I welcome Chris' outside interests and hobbies and am only too pleased for him to pursue his passions because when he returns from a motorbike ride with the boys, he literally oozes happiness and that happiness is contagious.

When couples are comfortable, trusting and encouraging of each others interests that are outside of what they do together, don't we observe a stronger love bond between them? When we individually complete ourselves and then come together, what a union!

"Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other, but choose to live with each other."                                                     The Road Less Travelled   M. Scott Peck

Osho says in his 'Yoga: Science of the Soul', that the reason lovers fight is because they place their happiness in each others hands. Think about it. When we place all expectations of fulfilment and happiness on our lover, we have just given them the key to our happiness. Now they become our jailer and we have made ourselves their prisoner. What prospect of future happiness do we have with this kind of union?

It is beautiful to have two passionately contented people who choose each others companionship without ownership of each others soul.

I celebrate LOVE, because LOVE is ALL there is.

Happy Valentines Day

love
Nicolette