The Tight Rope

I've been preparing for a talk I'm giving on Wednesday night titled, 'How Ego Prevents us from Living in the Now' and it is quite amazing how when you start putting thoughts out there, you start becoming conscious of your thoughts, your every move, how you are living your life, etc.

It's uncanny how this always happens to me. If I am exploring a love theme, I will be tested in every way possible almost as if to check whether my love is the genuine thing. I will experience all manner of entanglements and difficulties with my loved ones and friends, after which, feeling quite shooken up, I will question myself and wonder if I am genuine or fake. If I have it so together in my head and my understanding, then why am I suddenly clashing in the flesh and blood, in my interactions with real people? And why am I hitting the wall all of a sudden with the ones who are dearest to me?

I have started noticing how often I am locking horns with my youngest son of 14. Am I trying to control him? Am I trying to win him over to my way of seeing and doing things? My husband has been telling me lately that I'm a control freak. That is the one lesson that I'm thrashing around and wrestling with right now.

Isn't it funny how once we perceive a snag in how we are living, we become so acutely aware of it in every aspect of our lives? I guess the point I'm trying to make is, that we become conscious and it is for this reason that suddenly it is as if someone has taken a highlighter pen and highlighted every little event in which that snag occurs. We look this way and there it is highlighted. We forget about it and are having some fun and there it pops up again. And ooh... not again!

It is rather like that in life, isn't it? We go around not noticing much detail around us and then one day we get a new red t-shirt and suddenly there seem to be so many people wearing red t-shirts. It's as though we are wearing rose coloured spectacles. We have become conscious of red and now we see red everywhere.

I guess the key to making any sense of this is that once we gain consciousness of what it is that needs attention in our lives, we start to notice all aspects of our existence that need our attention. It is almost as if we peel back the layers of the onion. We strip away all the layers that no longer serve us or are no longer a part of who we are. And the more we peel, the more we notice how much of what we have cluttered ourselves with is not what we choose. It is not our inherent nature. It is not actually who we are, but rather a bunch of habits and old conditioning we've accumulated along the way of our journey. We peel and peel and we seem to get lighter and less burdened. Actually, the more layers we shed the simpler life gets.

Parenting is tough! It certainly challenges us to walk the talk. How difficult it is to really let go and trust the process that each of our children will grow up fine exactly as they are predestined to and to back off with trying to steer their paths for them. There seems to be such a fine line between helping our young by guiding and instilling good values and discipline, and outright trying to control them. The former is steeped in love and trust and faith, the latter is smattered with FEAR.

Now that I have become conscious of doing this in my life, I see how easily I hop over the line from faith to fear.

I guess life is like walking on a tight rope. We really have to focus constantly on where we put our next foot. We cannot afford to allow doubt to dominate our minds. That could be the catalyst that causes us to fall. We cannot afford to look down because that would threaten our 'status quo'. We should never look back because we'd topple, yet we know where we have come from. We should also not focus to the right or left, but keep awareness in our periphery. We know where we have set our intentions to cross to, but to focus intently on our destination would lessen our acute awareness of the  present. Our success hinges on our staying focused on the subtle shifts of weight within our bodies and the shifts caused by the elements around us. We have to remain fully present and conscious.

So easily said, now let's see what life highlights for us this week.

with love and laughs (because we must remember not to take life so seriously)

Nicolette

Gratitude

I was hanging my washing out this morning in a light guti ( well, that's what my Zimbabwean husband calls it, but I couldn't find reference to it in the Oxford School Dictionary). By guti, I mean a light, fine mist-like drizzle.

It was early and the air was so fresh and crisp. Everything in my midst seemed so alive and fresh and renewed.

When I wheeled my rubbish bin down the driveway and greeted a neighbour out walking her dogs, we exchanged our combined joy at the beautiful weather. She was going home to plant some new plants her friend had given her. I commented that the plants are going to love that.

Wow! I so love the rain. The rain seems to cleanse and bring with it fresh hope, a clean slate. Everything just seems to sparkle with renewed faith. Faith in humanity, faith in Earth. How lucky we are that Earth just continually purifies and recycles our water for us. I am so grateful.

I am in awe of this magnificent gift and I ponder the possibility of having to live without water.

Have we ever had no water for a day, or two or a week. Isn't it amazing how quickly life deteriorates without this life giving necessity. Without water to cleanse and wash ourselves our hygiene quickly evaporates and sickness and disease proliferate. We so quickly start to feel grubby and irritable without the ability to brush our teeth and wash our hair and rinse and rinse until the pure, fresh water flushes out all the residue of stickiness and stagnancy.

How often do we pause and give thanks when we liberally open our taps and flush copious amounts of water down the drain whilst washing our hands or rinsing a glass. Do we pause and give thanks when we quench our thirst with a giant glass of fresh water?

Are we grateful when we swim or bath or shower or frolic in the sea? I can't imagine a day without water. The balance between quality water and the human race is so fragile. If our water supply were cut off completely I wonder how long life on the planet would survive. Would we last a week, a month?

The thought of life without water is unimaginable and impossible and yet we are so careless and unappreciative of this amazing gift.

How many other gifts have we been bestowed with that we can be grateful for?

I started a list and amongst them were: our roads, my car, flushing toilets, our food chain, shops, electricity, taps, hot water, my house, my garden, plants, trees, air, bees, insects, animals, all my senses, oh the list goes on and on and on.

In moments like these, I remember with humility, my smallness in the big picture and I am filled with immense overwhelming gratitude for all of nature ( the god-made) and all of the mod cons (the man-made stuff) upon which we so heavily rely.

Thank you!

Wishing you too a gratitude-full week

richest blessings

Nicolette

I Saw Her Eyes

As I joined a queue, the other day, a lady engaged me with her friendly and straight forward manner. “Are you from Durban?” she enquired.”You look like a coastal person”. “You have a beautiful smile”, her son joined in.

I opened to her instantly and engaged in conversation.

She, her name was Penelope, was an ex-credit controller. She was tired of city life and wanted to go back to Durban from whence she hailed. Penelope had become weary of the continual battle to make ends meet, juggling finances, paying off mortgages, taxes, rent, tired of chasing other people’s debt in the corporate world, so she gave it all up.

She shared with me that her son and her had slept outside the previous night and that she felt liberated. I looked into her eyes of radiant blue and was surprised to detect no trace of depression or anxiety, no malice just pure beauty, peace, a sense of true freedom. Her eyes shone her truth.

She told me that she has a very good friend, with the same name as me, who is a very upstanding religious person and who together with Penelope goes on a binge from time to time. Then afterwards they get back onto the straight and narrow. There was a sense of mischief and childlike adventure in her eyes as she was compelled to share..

Even through the strong scent of cigarettes and the pretty dishevelled appearance, this lady made an impression on me. Her gaze stays with me. Her presence was so honest, so open and real.

I have come home and I continually find my mind revisiting the conversation I had with Penelope.

What amazes me is Penelope’s presence. She is completely focused on the moment of now. She doesn’t have a care in the world about where she will sleep tonight, because there are enough stars to sleep under. She is not wrestling with worries about how she will pay her debts, because she has none. She is able to fully engage in the present. She sees beauty in the small things, in nature. Her excitement in sleeping under the stars has the wonderment of a young child, unspoiled and enthusiastic. She is generous with her compliments, not coveting what she hasn’t got. She is not afraid of anything, not afraid of the elements, not afraid of talking to anyone, not afraid of being judged.

There was a kindness in Penelope’s eyes that hauntingly stays with me. The after effect is that of an angel presence hovering over me and guiding me to my truth, "Stay in the present, Nicolette. Stay in the Present!"

I remember the wise words of a teacher once professing that we should not look for our angels in heaven. “They are right here on earth standing beside us, guiding us and helping us”, he said.

Well, Penelope, you are one of my angels. Your truth and beauty bored a tender spot right into the centre of my heart.

I will feel your presence when I am stressing about insignificant stuff like what clothes to wear or what meal to cook or whether I’ll be late. I’ll laugh about the self made pressures that society suggests we embrace. I will remember not to prejudge anyone or any circumstance and just allow it to unfold with the innocence of  a child. I will maintain my humility and my simplicity in knowing that I am all that I am. I will remember to have fun in the smallest, simplest of things.

I am the same as you, Penelope, no different. We are all one, cut from the same cloth. We can all choose to live in the now as easily as we can choose to harbour grievances about the past or stress about what our futures hold. But when we do the latter two we rob ourselves of experiencing the pureness of each never to be repeated moment. We are missing life.

You opened my eyes, Penelope. Thank you.

And to you, my friend, thank you for lending an ear.
Have a sensational week

love

Nicolette

The Good and the Bad

What a divine few weeks it has been. All rest and play. My brain feels like jelly and custard. I'm not quite sure I can put a string of intelligible sentences together, which makes me wonder if it's a good thing to have holidays. It always feels like so much hard work to get the brain and the body back into action again.

I climbed onto my exercise bike this morning to make my first attempt at awakening my muscles and they felt rather resistant to having to do work.

I know that our bodies thrive on stress, and you're probably frowning at this page right now, but they do. We need gravity to act on our bodies to prevent bone density loss. Astronauts are a very good example of this fact. If we don't constantly challenge our muscles with hard labour or weight lifting, our muscles atrophy and shrivel up with disuse. If we don't use it, we lose it!

So, I ask again: "Are holidays good for us?"

What's the point of relaxing to the point of virtual no return and then having to stress the body and mind into a massive overload the first day back at work?

It would be really easy to slip into couch potato land for eternity. No problems, no stress, no work, no commitments. OOPS! I forgot. No work - no money, stress, worry, no fun, no holidays.

It's a vicious cycle. So maybe we do need the stress after all and we certainly do need the play, because life just would be dull without a break from the monotony.

Don't we all feel this way at the start of the year. Aargh!

Anyhow, whilst I was holidaying in Bali, one of our party asked our guide why the Balinese always hold their hands in prayer position when they greet one another. The answer we were given is that it symbolises the greeters wish for the good and the bad to be balanced in our hearts.

I loved this and it is a small treasure I have brought home with me. How beautifully put. We should all embrace the good and the bad in our lives, ourselves and in others. These two opposing forces should be balanced, like the two sides of a coin or the two sides of a fully inflated beach ball or the amount of time we spend at work and at play.

So as we struggle to coax our bodies and minds into peak fitness and functionality once again, let's remember that we're not alone and let's welcome the good and the bad and see the beauty in that.

Well, that's the total of my brain gym for today. I intend to ease myself back into the groove graciously and my wish is for you to be gentle on yourself too.

Make this an awesome start to your year by capturing your thoughts and setting your intentions for greatness. And let's remember to accept the good with the bad.

Have a beautiful day

love
Nicolette